Quotes Found on DivorceBusting (9)

[Ready2Change]

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You need to develop one (a plan). You need goals for yourself. You need a master plan that does not involve her. Get a life.

Just to make sure this ^^^ does not slip through the cracks. THIS IS SO SO SO SO crucial. Establishing goals is a key component of DB-ing, both for your own health/sanity/personal development and, later, if it comes, for rebuilding the MR. The DB-ing books tell you this, the DB coaches will tell you this (if you engage with one), and your MC (If you eventually make it to MC and have a good, goals-based therapist, if not, RUN to find one that does) will tell you this. YOU MUST HAVE GOALS/OBJECTIVES/PLANS for yourself and, if in a committed (especially marital) relationship, for that relationship. Failure to have such goals/dreams, both for yourself and for your MR, is quite often one of the reasons the relationship dies. You need to have something to look forward to and work towards... else you stagnate.

You can start small, you don't have to have grandiose goals like "save the world." Start small, and achievable. Then you can add more challenging goals, but always have something ahead of you that you know you can achieve, though it may take work/effort. There is some mental illness history in my family, including depression, and one of the paradigms for attacking depression is "do the next thing". The idea is that, no matter how down, depressed, blue, or hopeless you feel, you keep moving forward. Find one thing that needs to be done, or establish one modest goal for yourself, AND THEN DO IT. Then do the next. Rinse. Repeat.

But you gotta have a plan. We're men. Men always have a plan. "Day to day" don't cut it.