Yes R2C time does fly by doesn't it. I have enjoyed every single stage of the kids growth. I love who they are and who they are becoming. I will often put tasks aside to play and do projects with them. I want them to see that it's okay to set things aside for a bit to get quality time together. I don't always set tasks aside because they also need to see that some things need to get done. It's a balancing act. There are lessons to teach every moment of the day. I also learn so much from them as well. It is an incredible experience.
I had a fantastic GAL weekend - drinks out with friends on both Saturday and Sunday nights, hit the gym both days, sold some stuff on Craigslist, kids sports, fun project with the kids, and a ton of tasks accomplished. It feels so good to be really productive. I soaked up a bunch of short self-improvement videos on youtube as well. My weekends for the rest of the year are filling up rapidly with events as the holiday season approaches.
The ball is now in W's court regarding the settlement agreement. I feel we are getting close.
This morning, for the first time, I felt kinda bad for my W. She is so high strung and anxious. It must be horrible to feel that way all the time - easily irritated, frustrated, angry, etc. Like sitting on a powderkeg and everyone around you is holding a book of matches. It's too bad she would not get the help she needed when I suggested it so many years ago. I could have been more forceful and probably made that happen, but I don't blame myself, no no. She is responsible for herself. While I do feel a little bad for her due to the anxiety which she probably wishes she didn't have, there was no need for her to be so nasty, snide, critical, etc. Plenty of people are anxious but don't spew such repulsive BS as she does. There was no need for the constant disrespect. Her anger management issues and nastiness are downright corrosive. Toxic.
I cannot begin to explain how happy I am to be out of the daily line of fire. I run my house without oversight, without anyone hovering and trying to control everything, without condescending comments, criticism, eye-rolls or "mmm-hmms" if you know what I mean. The sense of relief has been incredible. I never let W control me or get away with her BS remarks without a response from me, I never laid down and cowered and took it, but the constant power struggle and verbal sparring was exhausting.
So I am going through a D, and with a PMA things are better than they have been in a long time. It's not pump-myself-up BS. I am a better Dad, better son, brother, friend and person today than I was when the M was banging up on the rocks week after week. You know how you can go outside in the sun after a rainstorm and everything looks clearer, more focused, more vibrant? That is my view these days. No, life is not all sunshine and rainbows, but so what, it's still pretty great to be alive. The possibilities of what the day holds, or the week, or next year, are really endless. It's exciting. There is zero chance that a R that went bad is going to derail my train, there is just no way. I have too much to be thankful for and too much to look forward to. Big cheesy smile on my face now...
