Confused and Lost II

[KristinG]

Thanks AS, R2C, Cali, and KB for the love and support.

By all means go as dark as you can.

I am shouting the same thing (like SNL Our top story for tonight News for the Hard of Hearing - Chevy Chase)


How will she know how much she misses you if you are always available?

^^ Haha that's so great (and so true) ^^


I still feel very much ok with either outcome for myself. I still have the ups and downs, but I am much more stable in handling my emotions. Making peace with the end of my MR has been intensely beneficial and I would not be working through that process without the help of everyone here. I know everyone is encouraging me to go full NC. I am horrible at following through (self imposed 2*4 to the face). I still think it's part of my process and journey. You are all correct in the fact that my ww is absolutely confused and unstable.

I've been going back and forth in my mind about Sandi's "Do What Works" mentality. The more I GAL, focus on myself, the more my ww is pursuing. On one hand, going NC doubles down on this perspective. On the other hand, going NC could also push ww away and directly with ap. If that happens, I am ok with moving on. However, my internal battle of questions stems from the fact that I feel so much more in control of my own destination. If I am strong and happy within myself, what is the harm in being the lighthouse and offering ww time and attention when she pursues? Is it wrong to allow time and friendly chats if I do so with the mentality that we are not together and I am focusing on my own healing? Can we truly heal while our WS is still involved in our daily life? Deep things to ponder.

((Hugs KB)) I know you're in the hardest part of the journey