I'm going to hit you with a few more 2x4's. I feel like you're not grasping the concepts of DB'ing and I'm trying to help you with that as are the others here. I hope you understand this and my other comments are not a personal attack, I like you or I wouldn't bother with this. I'm not trying to make you feel bad, just trying to point you in a newer/ better direction as I think others here are as well.
Originally Posted by ozman
She is going to leave when lease is up. If she doesn’t want to than I will demand we work on M. I don’t know what I was doing wrong but she thought I was still holding on
So that's your plan for life and the future, to sit around waiting another 4 months and see if she leaves or not, and if she doesn't, demand that she works on the M (which she will not) or else! Or else what? Another talk? Actions Oz, actions. For the millionth time, talking is NOT taking action. It is the ILLUSION of action.
Originally Posted by ozman
I also did I didn’t matter what I did she could not see I had dropped the rope. Which according to you guys is very important. So I did what I did. And I don’t regret it
Dropping the rope isn't telling her you dropped the rope. You're trying really hard to sell us on the idea that you have detached and dropped the rope, which makes me think you haven't. Once you well and truly do you won't need to convince anyone. ESPECIALLY yourself.
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Steve’s recommended script would not have worked. It would have caused a volcanic eruption of an argument. I would have lost any ground gained.
You don't know that. You like to come up with all kinds of reasons that you have to do thing Oz's way instead of actually DB'ing. And what do you mean lost any ground gained? I thought you were detached and didn't care about W anymore, yet you're still trying to measure relationship "progress"?
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The conversation did not go like I thought it would. It went better in some ways. Worse in others.
It was completely pointless and meaningless. You didn't learn anything new, you didn't tell her anything new, you didn't accomplish a single thing. All you heard was an expression of her feelings as they are at this moment in time, but they can and will change in an hour, a day, week month or year.
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But we still have 4.5 months of living together where she is gonna see me in a new light (knowing that I let her go)
She doesn't know poop, because all you've done is say it, and WAS's don't believe anything an LBS says. WHAT IS OZ'S PLAN?? What are you going to do differently from now on?
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I don’t have a plan. I’m going to take it day by day.
You need to develop one. You need goals for yourself. You need a master plan that does not involve her. Get a life.
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It does however fell like you guys hounded hounded “detach, detach!!” And then when I do and I feel like she could stay or go it makes no difference. You guys make me feel like I’ve done something wrong.
Oz, if you really had detached you wouldn't have temp checked her and then asked her out to dinner to have a long R talk with her. Go back and read TXHubby's threads if you want to see what real detachment looks like. I'll describe it in a nutshell- he had an epiphany that his love for a wife that did nothing but disrespect him was slowly killing him, literally. He got angry, not with her but with himself. He immediately took control of his life. He got fit, dressed better, started going out with friends, and COMPLETELY disassociated himself from his wife even though they still lived in the same house. NO talks of any kind, no idle threats, no "when are you moving", no "how do you feel about us now", no "let's talk about this". He gained his self-respect back. His posts here were filled with his personal goals and GAL activities, little to nothing about his W. I don't think he ever once "said" he was detached during the process. He didn't need to.
So I ask again, what are you going to do differently now?
