Divorce because I betrayed her trust - PART 5

[DaB35]

I keep reminding myself that my goal is to become AMOAFWL. If our Ws choose to leave (or continue to stay away) then their loss. You posted some good physical stats earlier, you have an active social life (GAL!), are gainfully employed, and so on - you'll be a great catch for someone, even if it's not your W. Her loss.

Thanks - yes I was pleased when the gym gave me those figures. Apparently six-packs start showing at under 10% fat (read online somewhere) so I'm not far off! There are definitely a few changes on the arms, and I'm walking better and have less shoulder pain.

I'm very thankful for my job. I like where I work, and my work colleagues are good people, and my boss is a very friendly guy. I remember when my W suggested I quit and take a job near home. Whilst that would have been nice with respect to a reduced commute, THANK GOD I didn't do that! I'd be in a much worse mess I think if that were the case.

It really is her loss, because I've just sorted it out. Her response back in May/June? "Too little too late."
I could have done nothing and not been remorseful or still closed off and wallowed in self-pity like I had done. But I feel I've broken through those barriers I'd put up and feel somewhat lighter emotionally. The fact that I'm also getting back into hobbies and things means I'm really looking after myself more than I had done. I'm watching what I eat, and updating my wardrobe (on DS9's advice - stocking up on new slim fit shirts!)

And as others have said, you shouldn't be getting into a serious relationship for some time (I hear 1 year or more), during that time W may realize that you weren't the root of all of her problems and look back.

Yes. I have absolutely no desire for any rebound Rs or anything. It's not even crossed my mind. I would be happy to be alone for more than a year frankly whilst I save up and just improve even more dramatically.

One other thing I have to remind myself of is that, as many bad things as I did, our Ws are betraying us in different ways, too. So, your W is willing to walk, cast you aside, do you really want to be with someone like that? Now, if she finally "snapped" and is able to collaborate on the relationship, address her issues, too, then absolutely. But I have to tell myself that I don't want to go back to my W as-is.

Yeah, I have been thinking about this. She is a wonderful woman. However, at this stage, she is just point blank refusing IC for herself. She desperately needs it - I'm sure that it would wake her up to certain aspects of her family dynamic, her boisterous nature, her being more dominant to me when she's been subservient to her main friend group and to her sister (being the youngest of 3 siblings). But she just refuses: "I'll be fine."

I agree with my sister - something will hit her in the future. I don't know if she'll follow through with her desire to remain friends. I really don't know.

I am busying myself with becoming AMOAFWL of course. I will remain that. That is my goal, my early NY resolution!