Did H just turn and look to you and say, "I see changes but, you are mostly the same. Anyway too little too late!" or was he asked if he saw the changes?
Nonetheless, I agree with Pamela! The mostly the same would directly relate to the fact that you are still trying to get his attention. A little indifference would really turn his head!
"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."
--Agnes Repplier, writer and historian
It was about 3 mos ago when he said he wanted a D. I said , why do you want a D? This sitch has caused me to reach deep inside myself to make changes for me that will have a positive effect on the M. He said, I see the changes, but you are mostly the same and too little too late. I have since learned to never mention the changes, just let him notice.
The funny thing is he has changed also. When we had BBQ for sons basketball team Saturday, he kept saying thank you, you are doing a good job, great idea, and I am proud of you. He even had to apologize for something he said @ one point. He came on the deck to apologize 2x's to make sure I accepted. He never use to apologize b4. It is so funny that now we are figuring this thing out that he wants out! I think he has a great fear that if he comes home things will just go back to being the same.
Quote: It is so funny that now we are figuring this thing out that he wants out! I think he has a great fear that if he comes home things will just go back to being the same.
At risk of continuing this discussion about H...I'm going to tackle this. I see many people on this site whose spouses use the divorce as their defense mechanism. They are afraid that the old way of life will continue, they are not comfortable with change and unsure how to deal with it, they say it a few hundred times hoping to convince themselves that what they are doing is best, etc. The point is, he hasn't done anything about it, so let him say it. If he says, "too little too late", then say, "well it certainly is later than I would have liked, but since this has changed MY life for the better I can say 'better late than never'". Or something. Be postive and focus on YOU rather than the R. (And that is ONLY if he addresses the topic first...)
Okay, the past is the past and H is H...so let's get back to Nitaf, shall we? Any goals for us yet? Boundary plans?
"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."
--Agnes Repplier, writer and historian
Quote: I see many people on this site whose spouses use the divorce as their defense mechanism. They are afraid that the old way of life will continue, they are not comfortable with change and unsure how to deal with it, they say it a few hundred times hoping to convince themselves that what they are doing is best, etc. The point is, he hasn't done anything about it, so let him say it.
Can I pretend you posted this to me today..sorry nitaf for hijacking, but it does apply to a lot of people on the BB!!
Nitaf--how long has your H been gone? He is moved out right?
Meredith, you don't plan on letting me off the hook. Do you? I am glad that you are so blunt in a good way. I am thinking of goals and boundaries for myself.
Meredith this is for me, but thanks to you! Goals:
1.I will plan fun things for son and I to bond and build great memories 2gether.
2. I will find a goal that I always half stepped and find out necessary steps to make it happen. I always wanted to start a daycare. I have a habit of starting things and not finishing!
3. I am going to register for a class on how to be assertive at our community college.
P.S. I am taking tennis lessons. That is something I palways wanted to do.
Meredith, how are those for goals? I know you will hold me accountable for working toward them!
Nitaf, I know Meredith will pin you down on these. So, time to tweak the list...
What specific "fun things" are you going to do with your son? Such as: I am going to join a "mommy and me" soccer club at the local indoor soccer place. I am purchasing a zoo membership for S and me. ETC.
You get it, right?
What is the first step for starting a daycare? Do you need to check into licensing? Where do you need to go to do that?
That Mer, she's a slavedriver. I learned from the best! (her and Betsey both).
