Demand she works on the marriage? Yeahhhhh, forcing her into something she doesn’t want will not make for a healthy marriage. Also, you can demand until you are blue in the face, but that doesn’t mean she will do it.
Oz, you need to live like you are separated. That means stop being her therapist, stop being her punching bag, a lot specific time where you have to yourself and time she has to herself and you keep that time to your self. You don’t invite, you don’t tell her where you are going, it’s simply your time. You need to set some pretty firm boundaries. I think you are confused about how to enforce boundaries. Demanding doesn’t do that. If she speaks to you with disrespect, you say “I’m not going to be disrespected like this” and remove yourself from the situation.
That’s how you “behave” you behave like you are separated, like she isn’t your wife. You live your life as if you were in two different homes. That doesn’t mean be cold. But it also means quit acting like a husband. Split your time, have your own hobbies, quit being her therapist and punching bag, and stop inviting her places. Otherwise she gets the best of both worlds, being “free” as you like to call it, and having a back up plan H.
Show yourself some respect and don’t be a back up plan.
