H expressed tonight that he is wavering quite a bit. He said there’s a part of him that wants to say yes and come back, but he is very scared of the past repeating, scared of coming back for the wrong reasons and scared in general. He said he has a lot of healing to do about a lot things, and he repeated a few times that he feels like he needs to “keep moving forward with this” but then talking about his other feelings around it.
He still feels we need to keep moving forward with this process. And he is having doubts. After court today I had expressed to him my feelings about him and about my desire to reconcile. I followed it up by telling him that I have no desire to push him or talk him into anything, and that I respect his ability to make his own decisions. And I meant it. I only want him to come back if he actually wants to. I think that allowed him to admit to himself that he is wavering, and to admit that to me. BUT he is still on the divorce path. He said he is starting IC soon. I’ve always wanted that for him, and I have to hope that will help him get his mind straight around all of this. This feels like a MAJOR tipping point and I would appreciate all the help I can get in handling this well (vets, im looking at you).
I validated up a storm. I know that I need to continue to do that, and not apply any pressure at all. I need to step back and let him lead. And, devastatingly, I will need to continue to participate in the divorce process. What else???
