Wow Steve. You have given me a lot to think about. Your post provides so much perspective. It feels like there is a lot to unpack there. I’m going to want to revisit this again I think. I think I see where I have been looking at this incorrectly. I was so blinded by the pain in the beginning.
It’s very hard to put how I feel into written form. I hope you understand what I mean when I say “I want it to work out but I’m ok if it doesn’t”. Im completely detached. But I still love her. It’s a very strange feeling.
So we are going to be living together for the next 4ish months because we are in this lease together. If she wants to sign another lease with me. I will demand work on the M and mc. Or I will not do it
I really don’t know what actions to take between now and then. Things have definitely improved since our talk. But basically she is just in a better mood around me. She is so miserable all the time she doesn’t know that it probably won’t get any better once she is on her own. Not until she finds a guy that makes her endorphins go wild and after that wears off she will be miserable again. Unless she can work on herself and find that happiness within her, I’m afraid she is doomed to repeat this cycle again and again, and that makes my heart break for her. Because I want her to be happy.
I hate to say this. But I feel like my M is such a small part of my life right now. I look forward to going to work in the morning. I worry about my son. I try (sometimes unsuccessfully) to not worry about my cancer.
