I knew she didn’t mean what she said about wishing she never met me or had our S
I also did I didn’t matter what I did she could not see I had dropped the rope. Which according to you guys is very important. So I did what I did. And I don’t regret it
H I have a question W what H are you still miserable W yes H Do you want to work on it W I don’t think so H ok let’s go drop S of at your sisters go out to eat and figure out where we go from here
Steve’s recommended script would not have worked. It would have caused a volcanic eruption of an argument. I would have lost any ground gained.
The conversation did not go like I thought it would. It went better in some ways. Worse in others. There is no clear defined plan. She is deciding to look for another job. I just started on my new job 2 days ago. We don’t know what work schedules will look like.
The convo went on for 5 hours. And 80 percent of it was emotional topics about the past. I don’t even remember it all and I’m too tired to try. Everyone around us thinks there is a fair shot at recon after depression. But we still have 4.5 months of living together where she is gonna see me in a new light (knowing that I let her go)
I just want her to find whatever it is she thinks is better out there. I’m not trying to punish her or hurt her in any way. If she goes out and sleeps with 50 men that’s fine. I won’t want her back. I don’t have a plan. I’m going to take it day by day. And I know I’m gonna be alright.
It does however fell like you guys hounded hounded “detach, detach!!” And then when I do and I feel like she could stay or go it makes no difference. You guys make me feel like I’ve done something wrong.
Don’t get me wrong. I love you guys. You have been a beacon through a long dark night. But sometimes I feel like I can’t win for loosin.
I’m happy where I’m at. I love my new job. I’m ok with being single, although I would prefer to recon with my wife. If she DID say however that she did want to recon. I would have to give it some serious thought. As in SERIOUS. I’m not 100 percent sure I would. I don’t know. I will cross that bridge when I come to it.
I feel as though. Looking back on my very first posts. I have reached many of the major milestones you guys set out. I reach them and then I’m told I did it all wrong. And that is very disheartening because I’m very proud of where I am. At this moment.m sitting here typing this
Maybe it’s my cancer returning ahead of schedule IDK. But I think I look at life differently than most people. I just have to adapt and figure out what makes the most sense right now. The rest will go however it goes.
I will have lots of questions about how to behave around her the next few months after completely dropping the rope. Because I do want recon. I’m just gonna be completely ok if I don’t get it. I love her. But I’m sure there is someone else out there that I could live too. Who knows
Please don’t mistake my remarks as disrespect. You guys know how awesome you are
