You have to be willing to let go of the people that don't value you or the relationship they have with you. Without a crisis/fear of loss, what would make them want you. Here's another newsflash, she has you, you don't have her. You want her, she doesn't want you. She can have you at any time and she knows it. You can't have her at anytime and you know this. Understand this, accept this, and learn to operate from this point of view. Your current way of thinking and approaching this is not doing you any favors: you're taking steps backwards, not forwards.
Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you by choice?
That is what she is saying to you: "I have the choice to be with you, I know this, I just don't know that I want to be with you."
Read this, understand that this is where your W is right now.
I'll repeat it again, she has you, she knows this, she can have you at any time that she wants you and it's not terribly exciting for her, especially considering the fact that she's pursuing other men. Look at the dynamic that's in place regarding this, she wants what she can't have, she doesn't want what she does have. You are conquered, easily attainable and human nature dictates that we usually don't appreciate what we have, we usually take it for granted and attribute little value to it. Human nature also dictates that we want what we don't have and we also don't want to be controlled. You are trying to convince her that your marriage is worth saving, even if you say you aren't directly communicating this, you are showing this in your body language, the topics you might discuss, the movies that you watch, etc.
This really hit home for me today. This is the definition of limbo for me. I’m here and ready to work on our MR and she damn well knows it. She’s choosing to withhold. She’s choosing to not be with me. Is it because she knows I’m attainable? Last time I started to make myself scarce, she saw it as a step backward. That’s what I used to do. That’s the old me. That tells her I’m not really changing and this is all fake. She still thinks the only thing I care about is the physical R and that’s all I’m hoping to gain here. If that’s the case, I may have to take a few steps back. I’m not going to sit here and wait for something that I feel is going to happen eventually, but have no guarantees. Our current situation is good in the fact that we’re having better communication but it’s “friend zone” stuff. Small talk with no real content generally. It still feels like we’re sweeping everything under the rug and that’s not ok with me anymore. I have an opportunity the rest of this week to “make myself scarce” while I start gearing up for my hunting trip this weekend. I’ll spend the next two evenings in the basement as is usual for these trips. Then I’m gone for 3 nights and have no plans to call her as I usually do. I’ll get back on Sunday and she’ll be leaving on a work trip the next day for a week. I have 5 days with little to no contact, 1/2 day home together, then another 5 with no contact. This gives me time to really detach and give her some time to process things a little too. I guess I’ll see what happens from there.
