DON'T LET HIM SUCK YOU IN TO THOSE CONVERSATIONS. He won't hear you and you can't have a rational discussion with him in the state he's in. It just gets you all riled up for no purpose. Would you engage in a discussion like this with a schizophrenic or someone with Alzheimer's? No. And you have just about as much chance as getting through to him now.
Always ask yourself before you say something to him "Is saying this going to get me closer to my goal?" If not, just don't say it.
Saying "It wasn't my intention" is good. You can also say "I'm sorry you felt that way, it wasn't my intention."
And don't give him the satisfaction of your tears.
He's spewing and pushing buttons to try to get a reaction out of you. Don't give him the satisfaction. Stay calm cool and collected and act AS IF you don't give a flying fig.
(Note - I eventually trained my ex to text instead of call by phone calls "mysteriously" dropping when he'd spew. Then I trained him to email by responding to his texts with emails. Much less stressful that way.)
As for the kid handoffs - I didn't have to do them but is there some way you can arrange to always be on your way somewhere else that you have to hurry to when they occur? Like, he's dropping the kid at your house, you grab kid and say "Thanks, we're late for my class at the gym" and hustle into the car and leave? Or can you have a friend or family member present to short circuit the spew? (Preferably someone who won't join in the fight lol).
