It also does not mean throw your weight around and bark out orders.
But I would honestly love to hear from any of the women out here as to whether or not they would have respect for a man who allowed a wandering female spouse to do whatever they chose to do and just accepted it.
To me man up means to be honest about who you are and what you think is appropriate from a spouse.
And yes, sometimes that means boundaries. But as J3B is quick to remind us, boundaries mean nothing unless we are ready and willing to enforce them. And that means consequences.
Consequences are not punishments.
We are not dealing with children here.
Our spouse, regardless of their wacked out emotional condition, knows dog gone well what is right and what is not. They might have become like an alien, but they have not left the planet. They know full well when they are crossing lines.
It's my belief that reasonably applied and enforced boundaries for behavior, with consequences that are for OUR protection and care, are not things that close the door or seal the deal for our wives.
And if you are a man who is tolerating a cheating, cake eating spouse, and encouraging that behavior by condoning it implicitly through your neediness, I think you're much more likely to be treading down the path of "sealing the deal."
A woman who does not respect you is not going to want to return to you.
There is room for manning up. In fact there is a strong need for it with some of the guys who come to this board. We just need to be good about making it clear just what that means and doesn't mean.
You think this woman is going to tell you how to man up. I'm not.
I'm also going to tell you to be careful about joining in on the 'man up' bandwagon.
Only you know what you can live with. On YOU ... IF you experiment....try different things and monitor results. Honestly. Keep a log. Your buddies nor your friends here. They can offer brainstorming solutions.......but they don't live your life or with your wife.
Setting boundaries with consequences MAY work.....setting boundaries with a lot of discussion MAY work (because you're dealing with a woman).
Getting tough....I can pretty much tell you .... is you are LUCKY if it works. It probably isn't.
Being a pushover isn't going to work.
So WORK your tools in DR.....it isn't hard, actually.
But don't jump on the blame your spouse or get tough bandwagon if you'd like to keep your family together.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
