The monster is back with a vengeance! It's been a while since he spewed at me but last night I enforced some boundaries and he didn't like the consequences. I know this is all projection and guilt talking, but damn, it's hard to stay calm and cop it. I heard:
"Why are you such a bitch to me?" (when I asked him to put Christmas plans in an email rather than discuss in front of our 2yo) "You think you're so perfect" (I've acknowledged and apologised many times for my flaws) "It's not your house until you pay me my settlement money" (when I asked him to show me respect in my home) "You're dragging out the settlement" (when I told him the bank won't approve my mortgage until there's six months' evidence of child support payments, he refused to backpay so it will take longer now) "You're not honest about your motives for taking full custody of our 2yo" (he abandoned us both leaving me no option and signed papers agreeing with current visitation schedule) "You're only in my family group chat to keep tabs on me" (it's to share pictures of our 2yo with MIL/SIL) "I know I'm not acting in our child's best interest but I have to do what's best for me" "I'm not 100% happy" (you don't say) "I wasn't going to wait 12 months to to get a divorce without having physical affection from OW" (when I said we can't be friends if he's with OW) "I have to work all these hours to earn all this money so I can have the life I want" (what about the life that our 2yo deserves?) "Your life is so easy with your 9-5 job, you can see our child whenever you want" (yes, life as a working single parent with 100% care of a 2yo is so easy) "I left because you were controlling and now I'm gone and you're still controlling me" (when I asked him not to message OW in my presence) "I can do whatever I want, whenever I want" "Your intentions are wrong" (when I said I'm sorry you feel that way, it wasn't my intention) "It's the principle that matters" (sent in a message after he stormed out leaving me crying making 2yo's dinner)
That last one made me see red! How dare he lecture me on principles. The next morning when I felt calmer, I replied telling him his actions have been morally bankrupt so let's not take a stand on principles. I've held my tongue for so long and I just couldn't stand it any more. He hasn't replied but I have to see him for child handover this afternoon. Seeing my psychologist and lawyer today. Nervous but I'm finally ready to grey rock and go NC.
Any suggestions on going NC when you share a child?
