Confused and not sure how to proceed

[KristinG]

KB,

I have been following your sitch and trying to think of some good advice for you. I think I can speak for everyone here when we say that the stage you're in hurts like h*ll. It isn't going to be like ripping a bandaid off - quick and painless. Be prepared for a long ride or prepared to walk away.

I am a LBS that happens to be a lesbian. The fact is, women are very different from men and I want to help you be a little more prepared because we are all rooting for you. It sounds like your WW is quite enamored with this OW and definitely feeling limerent. The good news is, it will pass. The bad news is that she probably has what SHE perceives as VERY deep feelings for the OW. We women are very emotional creatures and once that bond forms, it is really hard to break. Like many of the team here have told you - you cannot change anything she is doing. Nothing that you do will effect her decision to end the affair. Things you do, however, can effectively push them (your WW and OW) much closer together.

You have been doing a great job of venting here and not making rash decisions. Keep that level head. You WW will most certainly push your buttons and her subconscious goal will be to get you to "give her a reason" to leave or move closer to AP.

ie: "well you kicked me out of our house" or "you pushed me away and she was there for me"

Be especially careful about telling anyone. I understand your need to vent and find support from friends and family. I was there. I made mistakes. My ww felt ashamed and felt like she didn't have any support or friends (because they were there for me) and thus moved right into the arms of a waiting "friend" OW. So use caution and don't approach your ww in a way that would induce the feelings of shame or remorse. You want her to feel those things on her own, in her own time. She might never. But, again, nothing you do can help get her there. Everything you do can give her merit (in her mind) to be with AP.

Stay strong and work on yourself and being a great dad. You already have a leg up on most because you're here and finding support early. The vets can definitely help with great advice.