Fast forward 5 days (Saturday night) and she initiates an R talk. She tells me that she doesn't want to be with me and that she does still want to be with OW. They have not spent time together, but that her heart is still with her. A few sentences later, she doesn't want to be with anyone and she just wants to be on her own, find herself again, blah blah blah, etc... Yet another few sentences later she tells me "I know you don't believe me, but I am not going to be with anyone" and "we're going to be ok, I promise".
Unfortunately that's an accurate reflection of the battle going on in her mind right now. She's confused and doesn't know what she wants, but she's pretty sure it's not you. Except she does want you to wait around and support her on her terms (cake-eat).
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I told her that I can't be her best friend through this process. I let her know that the marriage we had is dead and that if we ever want to try again it has to be from scratch. I told her not to be offended if I don't reply to communications from her, and that I am going to do my best to remove her from my heart.
Good. Now show her you MEAN IT. Show her through your ACTIONS.
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Considering going far more into NC. One downside is that I want to be a lighthouse for her to find her way back - and if I go NC I feel as though she will perceive it as if I'm giving up on us.
That's not a downside right now. That is exactly what you want her to think. She's got to feel like she will lose you before she'll regret her choices. By all means go as dark as you can.
