just wanted to update my thread, I had a major moment last night in an R talk with my W and unloaded a 7 year lie I had been hanging on to. I even lied here about it.
W and I were having a nice little ride home from a weekend vacation and she was sending pics from my phone to her phone. When the timeline got back to spring when she was still seeing OM I was getting very nervous and told her to give me my phone. She asked why and I BS'd her. She knew because of the timeline. It led to her bringing up an incident from the first year we dated. I skipped out on her mom's bday one evening back in 2012 and met up with an ex and cheated on my W, who was my then GF. My now FIL (father in law) called my dad that evening, as FIL was doing some work for my dad's property. I lied and told my W (GF at the time) that I was helping my dad with something. My dad and FIL figured out this lie and when my W asked me about it I lied. We fought about it pretty good back in 2012 and it caused a lot of conflict.
So back to last night. I have been learning and growing in the last 1.5 years, and I'm trying to be honest and forthcoming and compassionate. So I tell W that she is right, I wanted my phone back so she wouldn't see any pictures of screenshots I took of her phone, or images of W and OM that I took as proof. Then W asks about 2012 and where I was that night. Frankly, I was sick of lying about it. I don't even remember what lie I told back then. So I began to prepare myself to tell her the truth. We arrive at home and sit down. We talk, and I tiptoed at first, and ultimately told my W that I went to see my ex GF back then and cheated on her. This is a source of pain for my W. I lied to her and basically made her feel crazy because my story from cheating on her was sketchy. We talked for 2 hours straight. W was hurt, relieved, and quite confused. She kissed me, hugged me, asked about having sex last night and we proceeded to accomplish some household taks.
W also talked about her affair and explained her mindset of loving me, but being so worn out that she didn't want to try anymore. She also spoke about why she would want to come back and then be scared to be back and then leave again. Classic WAS mindset for those who have read the WAS perspective. I think AnotherStander had linked something before and it was an interesting read for me.
W also woke up in the middle of the night upset, and woke me up to talk about it more. She was hurt, confused, and wanting more info. So I gave it to her. I was scared that telling her that I cheated would make her leave me. I was able to finally tell her the truth though. It was hard, I was very scared. I didn't sleep much last night. My head, eyes, and throat hurt. My stomach too. But W is still here. She is doing stuff with me and kissing and hugging me.. I'm still worried but I'm trying to focus on the positives and thinking about what I can do to continue growing. Now, I've come clean to you guys. My sister may read this soon and know about this. That's scary too. I want to be good in the worst way. I'm really tired of creating chaos and living in my own personal hell. I am working to make this another step forward for me. Thank you all for being there for me at my hardest times.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
