Well, accidentally hit the submit key, so then I tried to edit my post. You know what happened next, right? I got timed out!!!

Anyway.......as I was previously saying, my H had made a couple of profound statements, and it hit me that I had not, maybe could not, imagined my life without him quietly in the background, being available for me if I ever needed him..... or if I wanted to give him another chance to make me happy. smirk (Yes, that's the thinking of a WW).

Not much else was said that day, and I made no changes. In fact, I went even deeper underground with my EA. As with other WW's, this one interaction was not the turning point for me. However, something significant happened, and I hope any LBH's who may read this can understand what I'm trying to communicate. I didn't like what my H said..........but he gained some respect, b/c he was not playing the victim or trying to talk me into staying with him. He told me if I left we would not be friends, and once I left, there would be no coming back home. He is not the type to threaten or say things he doesn't mean. So, I took his words seriously and it was instrumental in stopping me from leaving for a few weeks and then going back home, like many WW's do. I knew once I left, there was no turning back. That is scary for a lot LBH's, b/c they have a desire to keep the road back paved smoothly. That concept has been grossly misunderstood by some newcomers. But anyway, my H wasn't going to leave a crack in the door or pave any road. It was the first thing he said/did that made me respect him a little bit, in a long-long time.

So, guys you may want to say something that will be the thing that turns her around from her waywardness, but it would be extremely rare, IMHO. The WW has to experience more than just hearing her H talk. In most cases I've read, things get worse before she is willing to even consider ending an affair, working on her MR, etc. I can look back and see how things came together and was instrumental in my decision to "do the right thing".

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!