"AS", This is exactly why I refused to do it a couple of months ago. During that time period I knew she was still in contact with the OM and being physical with him. Most good advice suggest that counseling is no good if they are in contact with the OM.
Recently she doesn't say anything about contacting the OM but I can put it together. She continues to talk to him because she CARES. She claims she feels guilty for his family and what they are going through with the divorce. She claims he doesn't have any close friends. All of this tells me that she continues the contact because she has strong feelings for him. I've also gathered that she somehow thinks it is ok as long as they are not being physical. Every detail I have discovered in the past has come to be true, every single detail!!!!! If I suspected something, guess what I was always right and I am talking about the 2 months I was in the dark. I know they are not being physical and I know that they still communicate but know where near as much as they once were doing.
Now her behavior over the past two weeks tells me she is trying but still confused. She hasn't given any indication that she is still in contact with him and she claims she has stopped. Do I believe this? NO I believe while at work due to her having more free time and working on her stuff at home that she is communicating with him during that time period. I have realized that she probably has some kind of "hidden agenda". She will also state that she will be the villain in all of this which suggest she wants to find the easiest way out or it suggest that she wants me to be the one to decide to file for divorce. I know that when I bring this up she gets frustrated. She doesn't like me asking for a commitment because she says I am pressuring her and she will not be pressured. She claims that her therapist told her I should be happy she has moved back to the bedroom and that she is making strides toward working on our marriage. I call this all BS!
I do not think counseling will work as long as she is still in contact with him.
