Don't know why any of this matters, maybe it's just the reality of the situation, I'm obviously still deeply attached, feel jealous and suspicious about things like "give me 5 mins" or the gaps in response.
I know if she was with someone it's completely out of my control.
Are those feelings natural or evidence I am controlling
It's normal. With time you will care less and less until you get to where you don't care at all. You won't care where she is or who she's with, it won't even be on your radar. My XW could Facetime me from bed with 3 naked guys in the background and it would have zero impact on me other than making me chuckle a little, I am not exaggerating in the least, I am that detached from her now. I know that's hard for you to imagine right now but you'll get there too.
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So I guess my assumption that things seemed calmer were rather foolish.
We don't call it the roller coaster for nothing. There will be ups and downs!
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While in the bathroom I caved in and scooped on her phone, only opened 1 stream of messages with new best friend, Wife apologising for being in tears in front of everyone last night,
A stream of earlier messages really bad mouthing me, saying how I always change approach, how controlling I was, How they couldn't believe they hard to deal with these #####'s Stating she didn't buy any of my b.s. about returning the key, how it was all about control.
Notifying friend that domestic abuse support group was now in place along with legal advice. How little I'd been doing at work this week
Doesn't matter. Those are her feelings at this moment in time, and conversations with her enablers will look like that. Her feelings can and will change in a week, month or year. Until then expect more of this. Just quit snooping, it's only messing with your PMA.
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She said she had felt like she had been working for me this week I replied I'm sorry you feel that way, I didn't know you felt that way.
This seemed to anger her, so I left the room.
You don't have to validate every little thing she says. Sometimes just nod or say "mm hmm". Validation loses it's impact if overused.
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She then said I don't believe anything you say anyway, you always change tact and say the right things as soon as things get difficult and it's all an act.
This is an accurate view of how she sees your changes. She thinks it's all an act, just tricks to try and get her back after which you will revert back to the old you. 25 doesn't post here anymore but she used to tell people 180's + time = change she can believe in. Time is CRITICAL. You've got to show consistent change over a long period of time before she believes you've really changed.
