She suggested to me last night that she wants to go to counseling together. She has been seeking individual counseling as well. Do you guys recommend couples counseling if she is unwilling to commit to our marriage with 100% certainty? I have told her in the past that it wouldn't help if she wasn't willing to make a commitment to our marriage.
She claims she is afraid things will be like they were before, that she needs to understand why she would have done this, that she is slowly trying to work on things with me, and this is why she will not give a definite answer to committing to the marriage. I know that I have history and our long term marriage on my side. Counseling may help as I have noticed that she hasn't been suspicious, she has been more attentive, more affectionate, and caring about what is going on in my life and with my job.
What do you guys think about the counseling?
A lot of times a WAS will use counseling to forward their agenda of ending the M, that's why we recommend against it. When we went to counseling after BD my XW was mostly kind of checked out until the C suggested a "trial separation", then XW was super into the idea and she was gone in a matter of weeks. So I learned the hard way that MC is usually a bad idea early on. It's also a form of pressure at a time the WAS wants zero pressure. In the end it's up to you, if you think it might help then go ahead and give it a try, but be ready to pull the plug if it goes poorly.
