Divorce because I betrayed her trust - PART 5

[DaB35]

Thanks DS - I was worried I might be appearing too cold to her or that by not contacting her very often it gives the impression that I'm 'done' with her. When in reality I want to fight and have hope still.

When I was at the house on Friday evening, I noticed some paperwork for a little cottage in the next village near our house. £165,000. She won't be able to afford that unless her parents give her almost £50,000 and she gets the absolute maximum mortgage possible (in the UK it's roughly 4 times your salary). Thought that was interesting. I probably should not have snooped, but it was in a pile of letters on the dining table which is where the mail goes and I only wanted to see if I had any mail for myself.

You're right, if I stayed, she would have probably just shouted at me, made us go round in circles etc. And at the time I wouldn't be validating or anything DB-tastic, so it'd have been a waste of my time as I'd just be defending, not listening DB-style, and I would have pushed her away further more quickly.

So - I think the best course for me is to keep improving myself and do everything well. That way, when/if she next sees me, she'll see that I've really turned myself around and done a lot of soul-searching and work. Perhaps then she'll have second thoughts. But by that point, maybe I'll have moved on, I don't know. Hard to say of course, but I want to have a chance to show her the new me. I stress I am not just doing everything for her benefit. It is only for my benefit and others are noticing gradually too.

I'm sad that she has been influenced by others during this process, and appears to have gone with her emotions without much reasoning. I know her sister and friend have really driven this and given her the "you're amazing and you'll be ok" talk.

I guess I just keep inviting my friends and family to my picnic then, and keep going?

Actually, I haven't done castanet practice for a couple of weeks - been too busy! I'll make time this week!