On day 5 of my W leaving to go to NYC. Communication has been only via text, mostly about kids. Things of note are here being thankful for me taking care of kids, and her complaining about the item I mentioned above with D15's retreat (which she ends today).
Last text from her at 10pm last night, wishing D5 a goodnight. Nothing this morning.
In the meantime, I continue to finish paperwork and crap for financial disclosure, which is frustrating as hell. And today I'm feeling specially powerless in the face of not being able to do anything to salvage my M or keep my family together.
Yesterday I found something my W wrote me, in the 1st / 2nd year of our marriage. All the things she liked about me, all the things she liked doing with me. This was before we had kids, the very early times, when we would wake up late on weekends and just hang out laying in bed. I didn't cry, but it did make me sad.
I wanted to call her, and read it to them and talk about how we can go back to those. I want to text her and tell her how much I miss her, that I love her. I want to tell her how this D will not solve underlying issues, will make it more difficult for us to raise our kids. I want to ask her to think about it again.
But I know that won't work. I've tried it all and it hasn't changed anything, at least not changed it for the better. This is the most difficult test of my life, and I don't know if I'm going to pass it ...
