I know I’ll get reamed for this horrible, horrible, horrible exchange with H tonight at kid handover. I can’t handle this emotional abuse anymore. Gaslighting and projecting and blaming me for everything. I know it's his guilty conscience talking but it's so hard to cop it all and stay calm.
He said he would send me an email about his Christmas plans with S1.5, then proceeded to explain the plans anyway. I said please send it in an email and I will review it. He kept talking and mentioned an overnight weekend. I said, you don’t have overnights with S1.5. He got defensive saying I agreed he could have overnights for special occasions. I said oh yes, I did. Send me your email and I’ll review it.
He then said why are you such a bitch to me?
RECORD SCRATCH
Hold up, what? I should have ended it right there but I got sucked in. It’s been a while since he has spewed at me. Tonight I heard:
- You’re nice in emails and messages but a bitch in person (I replied I’m sorry you feel that way) - (I asked him to please show me respect in my house) It’s not your house until I get my settlement money - You’re just in my family group chat to keep tabs on me (I stayed out of guilt that his family would hate me for not sharing pics of S) - Be honest about your motives for taking full custody of S, it’s to punish me for leaving (I said I did not choose to be a single parent but it’s in S’s best interest due to his young age and this view is shared by family law courts) - (I asked him not to message his GF in my house) I left because you controlled me and you’re still doing it, I have the right to do whatever I want whenever I want
I sat down and said nothing. He calmed down and opened up about feeling like he’s missing out on time with S. I listened without interrupting. When he finished I said it sounds like that makes you feel sad, and he said yes it does. I said I can understand why you feel like that, it must be hard for you. He said he is working all these hours to earn all this money to give HIMSELF the life he wants. He then added as an afterthought that he can give S1.5 the things he wants too.
I could literally feel my love draining away as he spoke. I watched him speak and thought how hateful and ugly he was inside. I don’t really care that I contributed to this exchange. He is a vapid, nasty bully.
So, I acted on my emotions. I said no, he is actually taking away the life that S1.5 deserves. He thought about it for a minute and said I know I’m not acting in S1.5’s best interest but I have to do what’s best for me.
I think that was the end for me. To hear he knows he is making his son’s life worse and is choosing to do it anyway. Without a shred of shame or regret.
There is no marriage left to save. Or worth saving.
No contact from here on out on my part. Save myself.
