Sounds like you have exposed to your family. What about hers? Have you researched all the pros and con's of this? Do you understand MWD stance on exposure?
Women do not respect men that they can "push around".
What actions can you take to gain respect? Your words are not going to fix this.
What actions can you take to attack the affair?
What boundaries can you set and enforce to protect yourself, you son, and your marriage?
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Sounds like you have exposed to your family. What about hers? Have you researched all the pros and con's of this? Do you understand MWD stance on exposure?
Good to hear from you R2C. Yes, I have told my some of my family. They have been my support system through all of this (besides you all). They love both me and my W and do not have any ill feelings towards her, no matter the outcome. I have not exposed to my W family. As much as I want to let them know the truth, I'm unsure of how they will receive it. I love them as well and I do not want to think that I am making up lies. However, i do have proof and screenshots of text messages between my W and OW. I have a feeling that my W is feeding them lies about me, based on other text messages that I have seen. My W recently hacked into my phone (I should have used a better password) and deleted those screenshots. I have backups though- so i still have them via email.
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Women do not respect men that they can "push around".
I feel like by me not doing anything, I am being pushed around. Is remaining calm, controlling my emotions in the face of her anger being strong? Do I have to do anything more than that to display my strength?
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What actions can you take to gain respect? Your words are not going to fix this.
I understand this, that is why I need help figuring out my next actions. I feel like when I moved her stuff into the guest room, only for her to turn around and move her stuff back to the MBR, it negated any power that i may have displayed. I resolved to stay calm and use few words in my interactions with her moving forward.
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What actions can you take to attack the affair?
I have no idea. i am clueless. The only thing that I keep thinking about is exposing to my W family. But that's a gamble. I love them and dont want them to think I am making up lies. But Again, i have proof. I need suggestions here.
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What boundaries can you set and enforce to protect yourself, you son, and your marriage?
I feel like by me not doing anything, I am being pushed around. Is remaining calm, controlling my emotions in the face of her anger being strong? Do I have to do anything more than that to display my strength?
Hi KBueno, assuming you want to reconcile at all, do you prefer the PuppyDogTails or RobX approach?
Hi KBueno, assuming you want to reconcile at all, do you prefer the PuppyDogTails or RobX approach?
I do want to reconcile. I made a commitment to her, my son, and to myself.
As I understand it, RobX's approach is to let her go. That's all i can do at this point. I have to completely detach and do everything for myself and my son.
Can you elaborate on PDT approach? It seems almost the same or am i missing something?
The only thing that I keep thinking about is exposing to my W family. But that's a gamble. I love them and dont want them to think I am making up lies. But Again, i have proof. I need suggestions here.
Exposure definitely is a gamble. That is why MWD recommends not doing. Puppy reflected back and said it would have been better if he wouldn't have exposed to HIS family. The hardest part about it, you only have a very short window now to make a decision. If you are going to tell FIL, I would strongly suggest you find the example letters that keeps it short, and focuses on protecting the family. Being proactive is much better than being reactive. I believe AllenA went extremly to far in some of his exposure/protection.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I've done some pros and cons about exposure to FIL. Ultimately, I think it will cause harm- more heartbreak, confusion, resentment etc to her family, all of whom I love. I don't want to hurt them. I also think the W will resent me even more, pushing me even further. Now if they confront me about anything, I would be forced to show them the truth. However, I will not be the one to bring it up.
Thank you for the breakdown of each of the approaches. I feel like a mix between setting them free (RobX) and Become Attractive (Coach) is the way to go for me.
My issue with this though, is that the A is still going on. Many times over, I hear that theres virtually no way to R if the A is still happening. What do I do about this? How do i protect my family while doing RobX and Coach approaches? How do I fight the A if i'm just letting go? This is what i'm confused about
I've done some pros and cons about exposure to FIL. Ultimately, I think it will cause harm- more heartbreak, confusion, resentment etc to her family, all of whom I love. I don't want to hurt them. I also think the W will resent me even more, pushing me even further. Now if they confront me about anything, I would be forced to show them the truth. However, I will not be the one to bring it up.
This is ultimately the route I went with not exposing on her side. Some websites suggest extreme exposure such as her family, friends, co-workers. AP is from work actually, but in my mind, I can chase away 1 person, but I can't chase away everyone. Ultimately, my WW needs to come to a point realizing the MR is what she actually wants, and if not, then so be it. If it doesn't work out between us, then those are her friends and family for rest of her life.
I did react early on, and texted a screenshot of some text to her parents. I actually had her parents come pick her up the night I found out to prevent escalation on my part. I have not been in contact since, and left out all the details after.
Originally Posted by kbuenob
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Sounds like you have exposed to your family. What about hers? Have you researched all the pros and con's of this? Do you understand MWD stance on exposure?
Good to hear from you R2C. Yes, I have told my some of my family. They have been my support system through all of this (besides you all). They love both me and my W and do not have any ill feelings towards her, no matter the outcome. ...
I was surprised at how my family reacted. You would think they would immediately disown them WW upon hearing the news, but none did that upon hearing the news and all suggest not acting out of emotion. My only guess is that they are more experienced in life and relationships, and this is more common than I thought.
I was surprised at how my family reacted. You would think they would immediately disown them WW upon hearing the news, but none did that upon hearing the news and all suggest not acting out of emotion. My only guess is that they are more experienced in life and relationships, and this is more common than I thought.
My W has been in our lives for almost 20 years. My family loves her like she is blood. all they want is for us to be happy and they do not harbor negative thoughts against her. This is why I felt comfortable telling them.
