I like Wileys advise to you and I totally agree that until OP is out the picture they are on a mission and they just will not listen to reason.
I didn't find this site till after my H's A had stopped, I wish I had, but fortunatly I DBed quite well on my own, then I scewed up once A was over thats when I found this site, H had told me I dont love you and had moved out.
When H was having His A (which all though I was 100% sure of I had no proof), I stayed very distant, basically I got on with my life, if I had found thi site I would of done things a bit different but I did Just go about my day doing my stuff, we didn't ML, although that was his desisiion, he was getting it else where and didn't want me.
This went on for almost a year and in that time I constantly brought up " Your having an A, I know you are" Mistake Number 1.
Anyway eventually the A did stop and we started to work on our R, I still had not found this site, so I never forgave him, held resentment, constantly brought it up. Mistake 2
Till evntually, whilst he was away, I went through all his syuff and found my proof, I went down to his buisness ( wich he owns) found her and Punched her twice. Mistake 3 ( Although I dont regret that one .
I then called him and told him never to come home ( Mistake 4)
He didn't come home he found a flat then when I told him I wanted to work on things that when I got the IDLY and too little too late and the damage is done speeches.
I Found this site!! Thank god But for me the hard bit was done OW was out the picture.
So we need to go back afew steps with you, bcos OW is still in the picture, we need to get her out!!!
My suggestions to you
1) dont ask him about her anymore
2) your boundries are excellent ( you shouldn't let him cake eat)
3) be a friend ( I know this sounds contradicting but, he sees you as the nagging wife and HER as the friend ... Sad but true) I am linking a thread here that you shoud print off and keep reading, it takes a while to sink in but it helped me imensley)
4) Act happy, confident, smiley all the time look your very best when he sees you.
5) read the thread on fogivness, and work on forgiving him, later on if you do get back together feelings will re-surface you need to decide now that you can forgive.
I hope this all helps you
Oh By the way, when you read DR, dont skip the setting goals bit, It really works when you set goals, its like having A map.
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