Does she talk about her new friends? Like, are they younger, single, etc. Are there any guy friends in this group? Women influence women. If your W has felt less than satisfied about her MR, then another woman who has a very happy MR could be a source of inspiration for your W. On the other hand, if your W is associating herself with young, vibrate, carefree, singles who talk about their exciting lives (and it's b/c they are free & single)........she may find herself wishing she was free and see what's out there, yada, yada, yada. Here's the thing. In the past, she may have conducted herself like a mature minded woman, but currently, she is emotionally vulnerable. She's unhappy and she feels trapped in a sexually starved MR. I think the reason she feels "confused" is b/c she's experiencing thoughts or emotions that contradicts her sense of moral integrity. She may even make the statement that she doesn't know who she is anymore.
Her "new" gym friends are mainly female. Some young and unhitched, some married. A number of her older friends (and her siblings) are divorced, or in the process of getting divorced.
Is her work mostly on the computer, or does she have some type or shop at the home? If it is mostly computer related, could she work somewhere else, instead of the marital home? I'll get back on this, once I see your answer.
She runs a daycare/learning center out of the house. It is licensed specifically for this setup, very difficult to move unfortunately.
Making changes in yourself is great, but let me explain how she looks at it. Everything is about her, and nothing is about you.....in her opinion. You probably contributed to the breakdown of the M, but you could become an amazing person and it may not change her current feelings. If she isn't wayward, I might agree with the advice from the counselor, but if your W is wayward.......she is going to use you to play happy family, or attend social events as a couple, or sit with her at ballgames b/c she doesn't want to sit alone, etc. Nobody is more selfish, nor has a sense of entitlement like the WW. Sadly, there are IC/MC who are not pro-marriage, and apparently, some have no clue about the mindset of a WW.
She does not ever go out as a family and really has been less than interested in S11, but for the bare minimum. She is adopted and our MC believes there issues stemming from locating her birth mother and being rejected by her (again) when she reached out to make contact. I am an issue, for sure, but this is really about her issues/depression.
WW's seem to be quite talented in making the LBH feel that he has to prove his changes or show his love.........just like your W said your changes are temporary. Look, a WW doesn't care how much her H works to improve himself. It doesn't affect her feelings for him. She may get angry that he waited till now to make changes, but it's not going to change her heart problems. The two of you are currently on separate paths and it will probably get worse before it gets better, but that doesn't mean it's your fault. Make sense?
Makes perfect sense. The changes are for me, and will benefit me and my kids regardless of what happens with W.
Is she giving you specific shortcomings.......or, are you just apologizing without knowing the crime? I just want to caution you about taking ownership of her feelings. I think a lot of men give an overall apology, hoping it will make the WW feel better and they can get that (whatever "that" is) behind them. Okay, so you apologized. No need to apologize again for the same offense.
Complacency and focusing too much on kids and not enough on R. That's all either of us have spoken about.
Drop the MC. If she decides to continue IC, that's up to her. After reconciliation, you can attend MC. See a lawyer to know where you stand legally, how to protect yourself financially, get equal time with your kids, etc. I want to make this clear. I can't stress enough how important it is to protect yourself. Make it your priority. I would drop the Sunday dinners, and playing happy family. WW's want their freedom, but they also want to hold on to family traditions, especially during the holidays. Don't initiate contacts with her.
No more MC, though I did have an individual session with our MC yesterday, W asked if she could come over this Sunday, and I said it was her decision.
If you knew for certain there was OM in the picture, would you do something different?
I would go from "friendly cashier" to throwing her stuff out on the lawn, Our MC does not think she has OM, but she is definitely running and abandoning her old life due to her own internal struggle.
