I’m feeling overwhelmed and sad and confused and all mixed up. I woke up in the middle of the night feeling so upset at H for what he is doing, and for the way he’s doing it. When he got here this morning to pick up D4 I tried to be remain friendly but I was naturally feeling distant and I’m sure it came across. He tried to make small talk with me, and I just didn’t have it in me. When D4 left the room to get her things he started crying. He said he had a dream about his father last night (they had almost no relationship and his father passed away recently) and he was emotional about it. I listened and validated, and felt genuine empathy for him. Even though he is causing me more pain than I thought was possible, I wanted more than anything to reach out to him and give him a hug. He asked me if I’d like it if he brought D4 to visit me at work today. I hesitated. Of course I want my HUSBAND to bring my daughter in to see me at work and introduce my cute family to my coworkers. But this? I don’t even know what this is. I I just started this job, I’m not about to explain to these people that we aren’t really together. It gives me so many different feelings and I don’t know which ones to go by. He’s pulling me in, and I just don’t know why. I know I’m not supposed to be, but I’m so confused and I’m hurting so badly My instinct is to reach out to him in some way, but I fear/know I’d just get knocked down/rejected again. Im trying to resist the call of false hope. I’m also not giving up yet. I’m lost.
