Hi Nitaf. Wow. You've been through a lot, haven't you? Please stop beating yourself up. It sounds as if you did the best you knew how to.
I know you read the "Friends" thread. I am a firm believer of boundaries. For example, Betsey and I spent a lot of time trying to convince Meredith that the world would not end if she didn't sit around and wait for her H to show up when it was time to drop off the kids. In her defense, she was worried about what would happen with the kids if she didn't wait. To make a long story short, she stopped waiting. She set a boundary. Guess what? He learned quickly.
I think that you have to earn respect. By being a doormat and accepting that awful behavior of his you are essentially saying, "That is all I am worth."
Well, it's not.
You're worth more.
You don't want that marriage back. You want a better one, right? Well, right now all you have control of is your end of it. The mariage in which you felt you "owed" him needs to be done and buried. It's time to start a new relationship, one in which you are treated with respect. The only way to do that is with boundaries.
