Victorious II

[SteveLW]

The talk went as good as it could have gone. We were both very emotional. We are going to work on being good friends going forward for sake of our son. He is unable to grasp the abstract concept of a divorce. She apologized again and again (through a lot of tears) for hurting me. She wants nothing from me nor I from her. We sat and held hands and went through the 10 years of our marriage. The good times and the bad. Where things went wrong. The communication breakdowns. We talked about the things we should have done better. About the things we did right. She apologized (very sincerely) for her behavior lately. We both asked the other if there was another person of interest. We both said no (I wholeheartedly believe her). She said that when she has been late from work she would just pull over to the side of the road and cry or zone or talk on the phone to her sister. Because she just wasn’t ready to come home yet. We were both very vulnerable and openly no holds barred with each other. She explained why she quit taking her antidepressants. We both said we are not even close to ready for another relationship. We both said we have much needed work to do on ourselves. She said “I have no idea what the future holds, who knows, we could be great friends for the next couple years and decide to try again”

There will be no lawyers, set child support, or custody agreement. We both love our son fiercely. And we both think that if we can’t make it work than this is what’s best.

She said that she has been terrified that my dad would supply me with some awesome lawyer and try to take son away. She said this while sobbing.

I explained how much she hurt me over the last 5 months. For which she apologized (through a lot of tears)

We talked about things like our wedding pictures (I would have guessed she would have told me to keep them or throw them away). But she said she would like to make doubles of them so we could both keep them. She said that it is still one of the happiest days of her life. She said that there was a lot of good times we spent together and she has a lot of happy memories.

We went to bed at 1:30 in the morning. We said I love you and both tried to sleep. But neither of us did very well

This morning. I asked her how she was. “I’m really sad” she replied. I replied the same


I’m confident in the decision I made. I don’t regret it. She was done. It wasn’t getting better. It is better for S this way than to let it contnue and let hate creep in.

I’m not regretful of my decision. It was how it should be. Two flesh and blood human beings being honest with each other

I let her go. Time will tell how this story ends

I just want to go in record as saying I disagree with this. Oz it is your life, but LBSs need to make this decision when they have exhausted all options and efforts. 5 months is a drop in the bucket. Will you be able to look your son in the eyes in 20 years and tell him honestly that you did all you could do to try to save things? Or will you have to admit that you just gave up because you were tired of the pain?

I think you got impatient, or sick of her behavior. I think others were right that you've contradicted yourself. "I'm completely unphased by her words and actions." "I told her how much she hurt me these last 5 months."

Anyway the above comments are more for other posters as this is a cautionary tale. I get your sitch is different. 5 months is long for someone fighting what you are fighting. And you don't have the luxury of looking 20 years out with expectation. What's done is done. Take care of yourself and your son. I'll be praying for you my friend.