Stopping by & saying Hi after 2 1/2 years

[123Gwen]

[/b]Hello everyone ~ It has been quite a while since I was a regular poster. Those days were full of pain that I would not have wished on my worst enemy. I will be forever grateful to the people on the forums that kept me afloat by offering support and sound advice. Thank you all. [b]

If you have stumbled across this thread and are a newcomer, please know that you will get through this awful chapter. You will discover an inner strength and you will find joy again. MLC is real but unfortunately, many friends and family members won't understand your situation. They may minimize it as another divorce. As time goes on, friends and family will realize you were not being dramatic - MLC is not just another divorce.

When everything gets to be too much, stop here and regroup. This is a safe space full of people that really understand what you are experiencing. You can yell, you can cry, you can ask any question or share your fears. These forums offered a lifeline to me when I felt completely isolated.

X ghosted our life 5 1/2 years ago. BD - Happy 25th anniversary. He ran cross-country after OW when she left his company. They got married 2 years ago. Our girls were 16 and 19 at BD. ~ We had a strong marriage for at least the first 20 years. I was naive and never thought that a midlife crisis actually destroyed relationships and that it could destroy the life we built.

XH remains a ghost. Estranged from our daughters; he never returned to visit them, just a few texts the first 3 years - he never called them. Never told them he was marrying OW. He ghosted them too. On the positive side, he sends support as agreed. I still grieve for the man I married but I also question the reality of our life together.

Sorry - Did not mean to ramble. Trying to catch up but the details are such downers. Let's get to the good stuff:

VICTORY MILESTONES
1) Iceland, France, UK, Taiwan, Italy, Africa for the girls and some new spots in the US for me - I am beyond frugal and I have learned to find incredible bargains.
2) My oldest got through college and grad school
3) Youngest graduating soon and going back to Africa with Peace Corps

MENTAL MILESTONES
4) Finally able to sleep deeply after year 3 (what a difference)
5) Can make decisions without renumerating for an hour (that is still a struggle)
6) Not letting XH running off define our family - My girls and I reset the narrative

REALLY IMPORTANT SMALL THINGS THAT MAKE A DIFFERENCE
7) New pets for new memories after our dog passed away
8) Scanning in photos and letting the hard copies go was freeing
9) Scheduling tons of activities and always saying yes to friends to keep loneliness at bay.

AND FINALLY
10) Time is your friend (to heal, to accept and to forgive)

I still grieve for the loss of my husband and our marriage and our family. I GAL constantly. I understand XH made choices - I knew him for over 30 years and even if he wanted a divorce he wouldn't have ghosted his daughters. It is tragic and it is real this MLC - maybe not for everyone but for some spouses. I also know that I couldn't control it but I can't let it control me either. Haven't started dating yet - not sure I will have the opportunity. Not brave enough for dating apps at the moment but you never know... Life is full of good surprises if you take the time to get your bearings and ask for help along the way.

Thanks DB family for letting me post this whole stream of consciousness therapeutic rehash. Hope some of the folks circa 2014-2017 are still on the forums,