Just poppin by per your request. Like many sitches, when an OW is involved there isn't much you can do until HE STOPS it. My most direct words of advice to you would be NOT TO PURSUE HIM WHILE HE IS HAVING AN A OR TREATING YOU LIKE HE IS. I would act like I've dropped off the face of the earth, allow him to make all the contact, STOP contacting him for awhile unless its about your child or business, and start recreating your image to someone who is not going to be a pushover. It appears as though he is holding you at gunpoint about a possible EA you may have had in the past, nothing you can do about that, it just makes it easier on his conscience while he sees someone else.
No matter what the sitch, the principles are always the same. DROP THE ROPE, GIVE UP, act happy and confident, let him initiate contact, stay busy, DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE R OR THE OW, give him space, and do what you can to remove the pushover label. This doesn't mean you act mean or argue or complain and whine, you simply all of a sudden treat the sitch with subtle indifference, like you are slowly LETTING GO..( the idea is to RELIEVE PRESSURE in any way shape or fashion, so that the onus is always on his conscience..)and the next time he brings up a D, AGREE with him along the lines of "perhaps its for the best, maybe its just me, but we just cant seem to get it right CAN WE??... " and stay with AGREEING in a sincere fashion when he talks about splitting up..
I would also think long and hard about what exactly it is about this guy that makes you want him back. If deep down this is more about you not wanting to be alone than it is that he is your be all end all, I'd do some serious soul searching because nobody should be treated the way you are allowing yourself to be treated, but thats your choice. I understand the stakes are different when a sibling is involved, but it could be that there maybe someone else out there more worthy of what you can offer....
Hang in there, and work on your confidence level to the point where he is encountering a STRONG, ATTRACTIVE, "I can handle whatever is thrown my way" kind of woman. Those that carry themselves in that fashion, help themselves transition to whatever is next, not to mention positioning themselves as a much more of a challenge to the WA who is emotionally pulling away from you. Because I'll be honest, when a man pulls away emotionally, he will not pay attention to caring and affection AS MUCH as he will a woman who is STRONG ENOUGH to LET HIM GO, isn't a DOORMAT, and challenges him by simply moving forward with or without him. That will be an eye opener to him like NOTHING ELSE you can find anywhere in a book, C session, or on this forum for that matter.
The answer always lies in the mirror, take a look and do what it takes, it works or it doesn't, if it doesn't thats proof in the pudding you have a guy who just doesn't love you the RIGHT way..rather he wants to move on without you.
" and stay with AGREEING in a sincere fashion when he talks about splitting up..
