Cwarrior when you say the marriage is gone, do you mean irreconcilable?
I mean gone for now.
Originally Posted by JDevast
Her: and my friends , stay away from them and don't talk to them about me, make your own friends.
Me: understood ,I will not speak to any of them, I had only said hi to ------ and did not discuss us.
Thank you. Yes placated again. And it backfired , I just wanted the hate to stop and try rebuild some trust or safety. Didn't work out so well. It's a lifelong trait I have of making excuses rather than holding my hands up.
I think I get it. She's upset you're talking to her friends. You want her to stop feeling upset, and you want to stop feeling like you're the bad guy, so you say, "I only said hi!" But when you do this you're minimizing / invalidating her feelings. This is anti-DB and reduces feelings of trust and safety. Some sites list regular minimization as a form of emotional abuse, a past complaint you've acknowledged.
You agreement "I will not speak to any of them" when you only said "Hi" is bizarre. It's going to make you look like an alien to them when they gesture at you or say hello, or a liar when you actually respond.
Maybe practice, "Let me think about it" in front of the mirror a few times. The goal is to stop making rash decisions. Most of these rash decisions seem to have worsened your situation.
