H just continues to be warmer and get closer to me as our first court date approaches. Of course, it gets my hope rising to the top, that maybe he is having second thoughts. But I am giving myself frequent reality checks, telling myself that most likely he is feeling guilty. It adds an extra layer of pain, to think he could just be basically using me to assuage his own guilt without considering how it might be making me feel. I’m having a really hard morning. For my own protection, I think I need to pull way back. I need to try extra hard to find the balance in which I am fillmore distant without being cold or mean. That’s a big challenge for me, but I think it’s time.
