I think a lot of us here have heard the abusive/victim mentality here before in a lot of our situations, all for simply giving an oppinion in the past. Sounds like your W is accusing and projecting exactly what she is doing. Trying to fix and placate to someone who may possibly be delusional (or not) by someone who is currently repulsed by you, is going to land you into a hole of disrespect and be manipulated. Look at all of our sich's here, Wolfman's, Unichen, parts of my own and others. It will eventually die down. You can't nice them or mean them back. Just go NC and don't respond to that kind of toxicity. A few other things I picked up on his when the WAS first learns about what boundaries are, they have a very large misconception about what they are for, and properly how to utilize them. My STBXW saw 3 counselors at the same time and she described in her notes that a boundary in my case was her getting her way with the property agreement. keep in mind that they are being coached and validated by other influences and narrative. In your wife's case she thinks of boundary is something that you're Crossing by simply saying hi to her friends. Although I can understand why she would feel that way it's a simple harmless hi and you're not pursuing anything that crosses her friendships. Boundaries are there to protect you as an individual if someone is doing harm to you or trying to manipulate you. Another thing is when it comes to affairs, spontaneous feelings and resentment When they monkey branch to the next guy, they're going to recoil on you like a snake most likely making you into a villain. So come to expect it and let it wash over you and don't even respond to it
