If she asked me right now I would not marry her, IMO it is way too early. She has not met key people in my family and honestly we have not spent enough time yet or had enough conversations about our future, blending families, finances, etc. She can bring up the R talks if she wants and I will certainly engage, discuss, etc. I do see a future with her and someone that I could potentially marry. She is a very sweet, kind, giving, and loving woman. She made me chicken soup last night, and she also gives me healthy snacks to bring to work (she packs them in sandwich bags for me, mixed nuts, protein bars, and oatmeal . When she is out at Sams or Costco she always calls me asks if I need something, I always say "no" but she always brings me back a new bottle of bourbon.
I know that's superficial stuff but that is kind of person she is. So I do see a future, I could see us definitely getting married some day. There is just a lot that we have to come together on, like I mentioned above that we have not even discussed.
To be honest I really enjoy my alone time when I have my girls. This week, I have complete peace and quiet to do what I want, when I want. If we get married and moved in together I back in full time noise mode with an 8 yr old boy running around. No peace and quiet after I drop my girls off. Yesterday, I laid on the couch for 8 straight hours, had a few beers and watched nothing but football. It was awesome!
I know right, last night I went over around 8 pm after her son went to bed, picked up my soup, had a beer, stayed just long enough and got home in time to see the end of Sunday night football. All in in a 5 min drive......why ruin that!
My son is 8 years old and hyperactive, attention seeking, and annoying. From what I see from other moms, boys are just more immature. If he’s an only child and doesn’t have other kids to bounce off of (sometimes literally) they end up using adults for that. Which annoys the adults. It’s tough cause these are the kids that really do need that tribe.
I’m new in my relationship, but early on he asked me what I expected from a partner when introducing kids. Wanted to know about my parenting style and asked if there were articles I could share with him that might help. You remember my issues with last boyfriend, so this was like a godsend to me. But I think this stuff has to be communicated and spelled out early. I think general consensus is that it’s better to discipline separately until later down the line. Because my bf showed that he is thinking ahead, and looking out for the best interests of my son and us as a unit.. it makes me trust his opinion more and I’m more open to advise from him.
We already hashed out what we wanted for our future. Like he asked me early on if marriage was something I would be interested in again. We talked about how if we lived together what issues would the kids have? How would we give them alone time. Etc. I think this was important and am glad we did that early instead of playing the “I’m cool approach” this way we both know early on if we are on the same page.
Anyway, I think dawn nailed it. These are really important topics that should be hashed out if a future together is the goal. It avoids wasting time and leading someone on.
We have had some general conversations about the future etc. but nothing over the top and heavy. She seems perfectly happy calling me her boyfriend and we have both told each other that we do see a future. Both of us are not in a rush though. I don't think we are leading each other on but I do think both of us are scared. She wants a pre-nup, that does not come cheap, and she is knee deep in the middle of getting her practice off the ground so she has plenty of things going on in her life at the moment that do not make getting married ASAP a priority. We spend every weekend together (I go over to her place one evening during the week) and honestly I believe she just enjoys going out to eat, relaxing, having fun, hanging out and not having a bunch of heavy conversations. Her practice also has her completely stressed out and consumes a lot of her time. I would think if she was ready to get married tomorrow she would be bringing up the subject way more than she does. She makes comments about in 30 years we are going to go to this country or do this, etc. I will reciprocate as well as I made some comment a couple weeks ago about when we are married taking her son some place.
I could be completely off base but I just think she loves the fact that I am not trying to actively pressure her and lock her down. We have fun on the weekends, enjoy each others company, and just have fun with it.
She also isn't very direct some times either, I do pick up on her hints. Friday night we had our first sleepover as a family at her house. The girls and I had to leave early Saturday morning because my oldest had a soccer game. Later Saturday morning she sends me a text and said how her son wants to have another sleepover tonight, LOL. I knew that was her way of saying I want to do it again without coming right out and being direct. So I said sure, come on over tonight, you guys can stay at my place and I will make dinner. So we had two sleepovers, 1 at her place and another at mine. I did tell her Saturday night after the kids went to bed that I didn't want to push it, she admitted that she wanted to see my again and was being selfish.
Anyways I realize at some point in time things are going to get real or more real than they are now and some decisions/conversations will have to take place. We both know that we wouldn't have lasted this long if we didn't see a future together. How or where or when it goes from here remains to be seen.
So I need some advice on the x wife. I think I know the answer but just wanted to validate. She has been very short, distant and not responding to me as quickly as she used to. For example, our daughters were home sick on Monday and I called her/texted as well just to see how they were doing. She responded like 8 hrs later. I actually had to call my oldest to get an update. Then Wednesday I sent her an email about some Bill's that we needed to divide up. We are pretty loosy goosey when it comes to that stuff as we each assume it wont be exactly 100% all the time. It took her two days to respond and when she did it was very business like. Which is normally not like her. Usually she is quicker to respond and friendly. Our oldest has a soccer game tomorrow and I asked her if she needed me to take her and she hasn't responded or acknowledged that either. On the financial piece I paid 45 extra bucks and she told me to deduct it from child support. Again, normally not like her. All of this has seemed to change when the dr gave my daughter some medicine to help with her allergies and after we had a sleep over as a family.
Maybe I am just reading way too much into anything and really my only concern is to keep a good co parenting relationship however she just seems veryshort, business like and distant more than she ever has,
She’s feeling it. I don’t think it has to do with you, but when a mother feels somewhat “threatened” in their role or someone else tries to mother their children, it’s a tough pill to swallow at first. So she probably hates it, is dealing with it, but knows there isn’t anything she can do about because she knows her kids are fine.
It really stinks as a mother. It’s the hardest part of the divorce whether it was her decision to divorce or not. Give her some space, it will blow over
Ok thanks, that was my plan. It does suck, I felt it when she started dating her bf. I am not doing anything on purpose but the dr giving her meds is one less dr visit that the x and I have to pay for. I dont ask the dr she just offers to do it. I mean it is what it is.....I have been feeling the vibes though.
. When she is out at Sams or Costco she always calls me asks if I need something, I always say "no" but she always brings me back a new bottle of bourbon.