The last straw

[Zip]

Update on me....vs her. When I write these thoughts, it reminds me of why I am here, and allows me to read what I know I should be doing. Guess it is a process of self reflection in a good way with a correction function built in through support of the vets!

Been feeling more detached from her emotionally over the past week. I am struggling with a few issues with her. The first is her actions being friendly but minimal communication. I asked over 3 was ago to have a discussion and she said not now it’s late...I was fine with that, but asked if she would find a good time and I will gladly work that into happening. She agreed to do this. The lack of her not addressing a time came up in a brief conversation which I mentioned she was to let me know and hasn’t done it yet. I got no response. It reminds me of her promising to set an apt with a MC which she never did. Soo, the point is, she isn’t going to discuss until she is ready, or, perhaps maybe never. I find it disrespectful that she just disregards a request she agreed to follow up with. The deeper part of this is being in limbo land. No idea where we stand. I’m trying to listen and not talk but there isn’t any conv from her to listen to and validate....just crickets.

With no conv and the separate BR issue, it seems it would be better to have a separate location vs being under one roof. I see it as a stepping stone to walking out which I think is the plan next June after D27 gets married. I feel I’m being played. It’s an assumption and a feeling based on the past where there isn’t any conv and then when she finally decides to come forward, it’s going to be an emotional roller coaster again w threatening D. MAYBE, it’s again my issues i need to focus on and not what she is going to do. The diversion of thoughts does not come natural. Need to work hard on this. Could that be one of the secrets of GALing?

Holiday issues are invading my thought process as well. Thanksgiving at my family’s house will be fine. She will probably plan on going as if nothing is wrong. My parents were informed by her so there are no secrets there. We will be okay through Thanksgiving. Christmas is the issue. Her family comes to our house and MIL usually comes up a day early. Well with her saying she doesn’t care to ever see me again and showed me that when she shrugged me off at D27s house warming party in October, it’s clear she won’t want to be here. It’s out of my control on what she does but will welcome her if she would choose to come up, even for the day. There hasn’t been any conv regarding this issue either. If W continues to not converse, who knows. Maybe they will go somewhere else but no idea where. Just an uncomfortable situation that’s looming. Don’t know if I should bring it up or let it unfold.

Being in the dark with W is wearing on my patience and I am fighting showing it in my attitude. My attitude, in my eyes, is not helping my sitch. The feeling of detaching and a bit of anger isn’t helping. I am sure this isn’t unusual to feel this way. I have to turn my attitude around and finding it difficult to do so.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

Zip