Divorce because I betrayed her trust - PART 5

[crdcheck]

One silver lining here - at work we got on the subject of the 1980s and I said I was feeling old when some of the younger colleagues said they hadn't heard of certain 80s songs. They asked me when I was born and when I told them I then said I was 36. Another person said, "Well, I'd never put you at 36. You look really, really good for your age! Well done!"

Nice little confidence boost there!

NICE!!! It's awesome to be noticed. And there's nothing wrong with appreciating music across multiple decades

Another thing that crossed my mind is that W seems to have really affected chances of R as she has effectively broadcast what I did to her family and everyone in our friend circle near where we live. I know that it's only been 5 months etc. But just felt a little sad about that. If she didn't blow up and simply confronted me calmly, perhaps in front of my immediate family, then maybe things might have worked out differently. Now everyone who knew me in that area knows, in varying degrees of detail, what I did. Additionally, W has not heard about my IC updates so I guess is still re-writing history.

I've wondered/worried about this, too. That the more our Ws bash us to our friends and family, the tougher it would be for them to walk it back. Based on the stats that 1/3 of divorced couples attempt to reconcile and approximately 1/3 of those succeed, it has to be possible (since anger is pretty common from what I've seen and heard) and, by not taking that same path (calling our Ws "crazy" and so on) we at least aren't creating additional barriers. I regularly think back to the castle and the picnic metaphor that is used so much here - W may build higher and thicker walls, may even throw some things at me, but I'm going to have a great time at my picnic (might even put some New Order on :)), and she can decide if she wants to participate. Having said all of that, I still share your fear.

One other thing to consider - W has been making some stuff up about me, more than exaggerations. On the one hand, it angers me that she's slandering me and sad that it's how she feels. On the other, my taking the high road consistently seems to be swaying people to the idea that this isn't as black and white as it may seem on the surface. To be clear, I'm not telling them that she's wrong, I'm showing it with my behaviors. She is holding certain things hostage but I'm not reciprocating - these actions seem to be adding up to those around and, hopefully, she will one day see that the narrative she has for me is not aligned with reality. In your case, you participated in an activity that most people participate in - I'm not saying that it's right or wrong, that's for you to decide. But I have to imagine that some people listening to her are a bit confused as to why she's throwing away an M over that (especially considering the changes you are making).

I'd be curious as to what others have experienced with WAW/WAHs dragging names through dirt and then ultimately reconciling.