When I initially explained to W that one of my issues was self-esteem and self-image she said "Everyone has that. I don't go on porn sites and send pics of myself to men to make me feel better though. Why'd you do it?!"
Not that helpful as it shames the person who is feeling down and doesn't advance any potential progress, when "OK, you're feeling [x]. That must be awful. What can I/we do to help you? How about we [x]?" would be far more useful.
I had this exact experience. My offense was far worse than yours, of course, but, looking back, I don't feel that I had a chance to work through the "why" with my W. Like you said, I was embarrassed and ashamed and wanted it to go away as quickly as possible and stop hurting her so I took it all on myself, every part was my choice, my fault, she had no impact whatsoever on the situation. I wish that we'd approached the situation differently.
Originally Posted by DaB35
I have to keep looking forward though; I am telling myself every day it is her loss as I am a very good guy. I have a much better view of myself and my self-worth has really increased, especially in the last couple of months.
Learning all the time!
I'm glad that you are still looking in the mirror, learning, and so on. One of the things that I wonder about the WAH/WAWs vs those on these forums is whether they will come out the other side of this better than when they went into it. Reading your posts makes me confident that you are stronger and that gives me hope for myself, too.
M(35), W(35), D(4) M-9, T-12 Bomb Drop (D announcement) - May 3, 2019 W moved out Aug 13 House sold Sept 25 Papers signed Nov 15 Divorce finalized Dec 12
