Victorious II

[ozman]

I have an extremely fundamental question. This is divorce busters . Com. What if I’m no longer interested in busting this divorce. What if I want it? What if the only reasons I don’t want it is for the sake of our S. I feel a lot if inner turmoil about this. This morning was just like another BD. Sub consciously I was wanting her to ask for divorce this morning.

Let me rephrase. If she was to come full circle and say she was sorry and started “loving” me again. I’m not sure I would even want her back. It would require extensive thought.

Question is. Is this a problem? Or is this where I should be?

Sorry I’m so busy on here today


R2C. Where at in SE colorado? Cause I’m from extreme SW ks. Even own some farm ground in SE Colorado

[LH19]

Oz,

I think right now you’re just trying to stop the pain of limbo. You think that getting the answers that you know you are going to D and if she’s in in A is going to stop the pain. It won’t. There may be some relief but you still have to go through the stages of grief.

IMO you just continue to focus on your son, your new job and your 180s and get to the new year. Then when it comes time for the new lease you let her know your not interested in continuing if you are not going to work on the marriage.

[ozman]

There is no pain of limbo. I’m not in limbo. I know exactly where I stand with her. But she has become impossible to live with. And I mean to co-habitate with. Our son is very limited. He dislikes school very much because they push him. I’m the one who gets him ready in the morning. So naturally he is upset with me. His speech is limited

Son : I want daddy to go away!! He cries
W ohhh baby come here. As she cuddles him.

I also have little doubt she would serve me papers pretty quickly. And she would hold all the cards

I’m totally calm and happy around her. Her mood doesn’t affect me a bit. However if she wants past me she will kinda push me out of the way.

I can see things going south in a hurry

For instance. Since I’m on vacation. I’m off in the afternoon. She got pissed yesterday when I told her I was going out to buy clothes.

“Well since you don’t have work you can pick up S from school” she sneered “I’ll be home whenever I get home”
“Ok no problem” I replied

So I pick S up at 5. Head home and am hanging out with neighbors. She comes home at 7, 3 hrs after she gets off work

She blows in the door. Acting all pissed I’ve already eaten dinner. Then about face she’s nice as pie. Asking me if I want anything cause she is going out to get some food.

I feed son. Bathe him and put him to bed at 9. Go downstairs and tell W “I’m gonna go check out local bar” and I leave

I return at midnight. She is in bathroom with door closed. I don’t say anything head upstairs and go to bed

She then accuses me of cheating while we are both lying in bed.

W “you walked upstairs and went to bed without saying anything. F$&k you! You were at the bar for three hours and was alone the whole time. Bull! Who did you go with?!?!?!?
Me uhh nobody
W bullish!t!!
Me. You’ve been walking around the house for a week not saying a word to me. And I come home and your in the bathroom with the door closed and your mad because I didn’t talk to you?
W (silence)

Her crazy is spiraling out of control. She filed for D once behind my back 4 years ago. I won’t be surprised if she dies it again.

This has nothing to do with limbo LH. This has to do with figuring out my options. She is blinded by pain and depression and misery. She has been that way since she got pregnant. Looking back it’s very clear. We had some good moments. But she has been unhappy the whole time.

I’m calm and steady and happy. FYI to everyone reading this

[LH19]

Oz,

Ok so just so you know just because she files doesn’t mean she holds all the cards.

The convo in bed is her projecting her affair onto you and you are trying to use logic and reason to understand her.

In one breath you say her moods don’t effect you but in the next breath you say her crazy is out on control.

[ozman]

LH. I tend to ramble my bad. Her moods do NOT affect me in any way. I’m worried about how they will affect our son. Her affair (if she is in one) doesn’t bother me. Not at all. I’m worried things might escalate to a bad level.

I implore you to believe me. She is the type to play dirty. She has never REALLY loved me. She is hanging on because of my security. Last night was the first time I did something for myself because I wanted to. Regardless of how she felt about it. It was the first time she felt the consequences of her actions and her disrespect toward me. I’m not angry or bitter or sad. I’m content and happy

“Her crazy is out of control” was merely an observation. It’s like watching a machine self destruct. I feel very badly for her actually. I want her to be happy. I hope she can find that out there someday.

I’m just worried about S is all.

I also think it is possible that W would resort to underhanded ways to get S and all the money she can too

[LH19]

Well thankfully we have laws and lawyers to prevent that from happening.

I am confused. What consequences for what actions?

[ozman]

I’m finally calling her on her bs. I’m not letting her walk all over me. You guys were right from the beginning. All the things I refused to believe. Tarzan and vines and such. She is just using me. The people in the know about my sitch think there is 0% chance we work this out. I think I just need to sit her down for “the talk”. Unless there is a reason not to?

[kbuenob]

I’m finally calling her on her bs. I’m not letting her walk all over me. You guys were right from the beginning. All the things I refused to believe. Tarzan and vines and such. She is just using me. The people in the know about my sitch think there is 0% chance we work this out. I think I just need to sit her down for “the talk”. Unless there is a reason not to?

Just found concrete evidence of my W affair with another woman. Im devastated. I too feel used

[neffer]

Just take some time away from that Oz. Use the 48hr rules. Do nothing. Go for a walk. Enjoy an afternoon with S.

Take some time.

DB teaches us how to love ourselves first. It´s all about ourselves.

Be patient.

[Ready2Change]

Where at in SE colorado?

I normally camp near Hasty.

What if I’m no longer interested in busting this divorce. What if I want it? What if the only reasons I don’t want it is for the sake of our S.

Then you are detached.

Go to the list of books and find "Deep personal growth". He was very insightful about this part of the process.

Right now, you are the only one that can save this. You do it because it is the right thing to do. You lead your family though this extremely difficult situation.


You have issues that need to be addressed. This is the time of your life to commit to fixing them. Your relationship with your W is the "magic mirror". You look deep into this mirror and become a strong attractive alpha male. You are guided by your morals. How did Clint Eastwood make most of his decisions in the movies?

You give your W time and space to be unhappy without you. You shine no matter how she is feeling. She has her own issues to be addressed.

Steve85 gave you the most amazing words to say to your W.