Great advise everybody, thanks for offering it, it is much needed.
So the current situation is my wife will go out on her trip to NYC tomorrow morning (well tonight, she's staying at her friends house) and will be back Sunday. I have to suck it up, detach, not care ... I know it's going to bother me, and I know I'm going to be anxious to see if she communicates with me at all. But there's nothing I can do about it.
Next thing ... last week my wife sent me a text proposing a holiday schedule with the kids. Basically Thanksgiving her, Christmas me, New Years eve me, New Years day her, and a few others.
When she texted me this, I reached out to my L because I didn't know if I agreed if I was committing to something permanent. My L said to hash out Thanksgiving but wait for the rest to the discussed during mediation.
My wife asked again, and again and then had a car accident texting me about this topic (!!!). We talked at night, I told her I hadn't thought about it much and that it's a big deal to me since I've never missed a holiday with my kids (and family). She said one of us had to start the conversation, and then I told her I had talked to my L and she advised we can finalize that during mediation. That sent her off the rails, she's still upset I got a L and started screaming and ranting (kids noticed).
This morning my L send me an email from hers, looks like my wife told her L that I didn't want to discuss this (not true, I told her to give me a few days). Her L said she rather I reach out to my wife to talk about it and agree, etc.
Anyways, what should I do? I was going to tell my wife, sure you can have thanksgiving with the kids ... but I also need to think about what I want. To me, it seemed more fair for me to spend 1 day with them and her another day, but she says she doesn't want to "split the holidays" (although she's splitting New Years, I'm sure she'll have fun during the New Years eve party).
