I also notice that I miss her terribly. I have this urge to reach out and tell her how I feel. She should be part of this and despite what I've been through I still want her in my life. I know she's been struggling with lots of things and although I'm not hopeful that things will work out, I am open to that possibility.
Is there any instance where this is productive? To reach out I mean. I know the advice is not to do that but I feel like I need some 2x4's to remind me why it's the best chance of R.
You asked for a 2x4 so I will do my best =)
Do you think that you reaching out to her is going to help her with her struggles?
Or are you reaching out to help her strengthen her relationship with your son?
Or are you reaching out just to soothe your own feelings of loss and grief?
It sounds like you have a lot of feelings swirling around. This is why we advise in most cases to do nothing, Let those feelings settle so you can sort them out. While they are swirling around, if you take action, you are at the whim of your emotions without fully understanding them.
Does the fact she hasn't reached out in a week to you tell you something? Maybe in the future she will blame you for not initiating contact again? Will you feel guilty? Or will you feel like it is another justification on her part? You may have to face this in the future.
This stuff is super HARD. You are reminiscing about previous years. Recognize that you are triggered by those memories. But you can't go back to the old MR, whether you R or not.
"She should be part of this..." A wise person once told me "Don't go shoulding yourself." These are the MOANS... Must, Ought, Always, Never, Should... words best avoided. Hey, I still think my W *should* be trying harder to fix our MR for the sake of our kids, but she's not, and I have to empathize that she is on her own journey and I need to let it go. I may not use the language, but that feeling of "should' is still there. And it is not helpful to me in any way whatsoever.
