Amazing to think anyone thinks I'm doing ok through this, feel like I'm lurching from one emotional state to the other by the hour.
Been having terrible sleep the last week, actual night terrors of wife very matter of factly with other men. Mind is really doing a number on me.
Got something today to help with the sleep and bit by bit this week the flat is starting to be better set up to have the kids from Saturday. ( I still have mixed feelings about this, love to have them but also very paranoid/ suspicious that she only wants this week on, week off so she can live her single social life to the max.
Maybe she will actually miss them while the home is empty, my thoughts are that she will fill all the time with new friends.
My son mentioned the other day that the new main friend had been at theirs every night for 5 days. Don't know what this means, maybe nothing.
Read some other threads last night and one thing that really dawned on me was that my wife no longer has any respect, affection or good feelings towards me at all, let alone love or attraction.
The opposite of most LBH's I guess.
I guess that's made me realise that this will not turn around soon. The grass looks too green right now.
And this yawning emotional hole wont be filled by her.
This causes me great pain and sadness but also a realisation I have to tackle some basic things first, my health, anxiety and weight loss, the kids and the business and then self respect and confidence.
I would really appreciate any advice or resources on building confidence and self esteem.
Today's interactions seemed more positive. ( maybe just because she was being more civil and that feels like a win to me, still very emotionally reactive to her moods)
She contacted me about some orders for our business, Shared some info about our daughters proposed school move.
Appears that she accepts I should attend to view school together.
Requested some info and product examples as she had a meeting with the employment centre about the new welfare benefits claim she is making and arranged to meet me at the studio to pick the stuff up.
Everything was pretty civil.
I walked over to her car when she arrived, she was much more polite, Shared she was not looking forward to being grilled by the benefits agency.
I gave her some advice
We chatted about daughters new school appointment briefly, then she had to go.
