I just posted this on another thread but have had the same thought for you!
Just be careful about thinking that anything you do can change this. I see that you are often trying to calculate the effect of your actions. That will never work. You are doing a great job being kind to her and living life but you are still inside the mirrored box I was in for many years, where you secretly think that unlike all the stories you read here, you can figure out which of your actions will result in which of her actions. That is never going to be a consistent thing and will drive you insane. Believe me. Or skim through my threads from my early days! I do not regret anything I did, or most of it, because I am still trying to become who God wants me to be, and that doesn't always align perfectly with DB. But I do wish I had been able to let go of him more fully; I ended up waiting many years trying to be a good wife, until he became so evil that there was no way to hold on to him anymore. It is so clear to me now that all that I read here is right, that you have to let them go completely, and know that even a D does not mean the end forever, it's just the business side.
Also I don't think Sandy has been here for years.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Thanks for the insightful post, Gerda. I agree, only W can make/control her decisions. D is just a piece of paper, and who knows what will happen down the road. Try as I might, W has to go through the tunnel at her own pace.
Saw your notification and unfortunately, you will need to work with Sandi2 here, on the forum. Unfortunately, we do not give out our poster's personal info and/or contact information. The only thing that I would suggest is that you go over on the Newcomers' forum and post an SOS to her there and she will reply to you there.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Saw your notification and unfortunately, you will need to work with Sandi2 here, on the forum. Unfortunately, we do not give out our poster's personal info and/or contact information. The only thing that I would suggest is that you go over on the Newcomers' forum and post an SOS to her there and she will reply to you there.
In fact we do NOT have that personal information and could not give it out if we wanted to.
I agree with what JOB wrote about how to get in touch with her.
Let us know how it progresses as I would be interested to see the outcome
The DB coach told me to do what makes him come closer and going dim is a strategy I do believe it works with many cases of break ups would be interesting to see if it helps MLC as nothing else really seems to
I think the MLCer who never moves out is also the best candidate to return to the M But then when you read posters who had live ins..that is not always successful either-
Trust your gut..follow your heart we are here to support you whatever path you choose-
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Last edited by job; 11/07/1910:27 PM. Reason: added link to new thread
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
