From Replay To Depressiom

[Rita]

WOW. Wherever you live is nothing like where I live. All anyone cares about here is protecting the man's right to his asset. At least my judge and many of the judges here. Some of the judges here do care about the kids and status quo for them but my judge doesn't care about the kids at all and has never listened to a thing about them. My H has not had to give me a penny or contribute in any way; I have had to pay him every month to keep him out of the house and continue to pay all carrying costs of our debt and mortgage (via rentals and my own wages) and it didn't even all count toward the future settlement. I am a cancer survivor with six jobs and my H works only 6 hours a week for YEARS, has an OW this whole time who is now leaving her H but my judge did not care about the story unless we went to trial. I remember on the first conference, I was pro se, and I said I didn't believe in divorce but either way wanted to first discuss the children and she screamed at me to grow up and sell my house and stop talking about the children unless I had the money to pay for an attorney for them. I am so jealous of you for the judge you have!!!!! You are very lucky.

Just be careful about thinking that anything you do can change this. I see that you are often trying to calculate the effect of your actions. That will never work. You are doing a great job being kind to her and living life but you are still inside the mirrored box I was in for many years, where you secretly think that unlike all the stories you read here, you can figure out which of your actions will result in which of her actions. That is never going to be a consistent thing and will drive you insane. Believe me. Or skim through my threads from my early days! I do not regret anything I did, or most of it, because I am still trying to become who God wants me to be, and that doesn't always align perfectly with DB. But I do wish I had been able to let go of him more fully; I ended up waiting many years trying to be a good wife, until he became so evil that there was no way to hold on to him anymore. It is so clear to me now that all that I read here is right, that you have to let them go completely, and know that even a D does not mean the end forever, it's just the business side.