OwnIt - You have given me some food for thought, and a few questions for my attorney. Thanks. Luckily, I'm financially secure even if H goes even further off the rails and cuts me off. For now, he is paying the agreed monthly alimony as well as his share of the joint bills. Luckily, he is now off cell, etc., so it's getting pretty straight forward. I did ask my attorney about what if he drags his feet. We haven't filed for D yet, so that would be the next step because it would give us court ordered deadlines. One day at a time.
Gerda - You also gave me some things to think about. Although I do not forsee going before a judge. It's completely uncontested. I was fairly generous, and only went for my fair share. I didn't go overboard. Could I have gotten more if I took him to court? Probably. But, after all, I am not out to get him, and I have enough to live on and for my future. Could I go for more? Probably. But that's not me.
Originally Posted by Gerda
To me it sounds like your H could come out of this one day -- he says a lot of things to you that I have always wished my H would say to me. And I know you are open to restoration. But in both of your case and mine there was so much evil happening via the money ties and all related to the OW that the D seems like the only way to get a clean slate. The clean slate can be the start of your life without him -- or, if you ever want to restore, it can keep things very clear, you can rebuild as an independent woman with no financial expectations of each other ever again. I mean, sometimes you express some confusion yourself about your choice to pursue this divorce, but like DnJ says, the D is all about business, not about the vow per se. I think you have made it pretty clear to your H that this is not what you want and that you are being forced into it because he has been so financially irresponsible with what is both of yours. But you can always let him know that again at some point if it feels right, that for you this is the end of your financial connection but does not have to be the end should things change one day.
Yes, the confusion is there about the D. I just don't feel I'm in it 100%. Well, maybe no one is unless they are escaping violence, evil, etc. You are correct in that I am open to restoration. I've said as much to several people recently. They look at me like I have 2 heads, and ask why, but I don't say too much. No one can know what it is to be in our shoes, what standing means. The one's that DO understand are my devout Christian friends. Of course I think that's what it would take - Christ, His grace, and ability to restore the most broken. We will see what He has for me.
Your reminder that D is all business, and the emotional side is separate, is very timely. There is no way we can reconcile as the people we were. I have changed too much, and am happy and content in my life. I still want H to come along for the rest of the ride. If some day he heals, and makes real change, I could see us starting over and being very happy. But, in the mean time, I am living my life to the fullest. Perhaps God has other plans for me, another person that is meant for me in the next season of my life. I don't know. I will just live life, and see where it takes me.
P.S. Gerda - I am taking a trip with the kids to NYC between Christmas and New Years.......
