Anyway, what I really want to caution you about is thinking you know her. Tell me why she most definitely does not want you to know about the tickets? Why would she care? I mean, you are separated now.........right? So, what can you do that would cause her fear of you finding out?
Just evidence of the ticket could be enough for me to go to her leadership and say I am concerned about irresponsible financial moves. Not to mention part of the documentation for a case of adultery. IDK how she wouldn't be a LITTLE nervous to know that I have this. Previously, she has had no idea what I really know or have in the way of evidence. Anyway, the point is not really intimidation.
I did end up confronting her about the ticket. Because I do not like the fact that she took the money that she first gave me to pay some of the debt in my name. And it happens to be almost the same amount as the ticket. First, she simply told me she was not taking a trip this weekend and if she went anywhere it would be to her parents. Then, after I said so you cancelled your plane ticket? she said I have made it clear I will ruin her life and she is just trying to keep her job and find somewhere to live. I said I am also concerned about my life, and credit, being ruined. And you secretly buying plane tickets for large sums of money while taking back similarly large sums that you had earmarked for debt, is alarming and in acceptable. She said she is not trying to ruin my life and will pay off everything in my name before her own. Then she immediately sent me $500. Said she is "really f**king sorry" and is "figuring it all out".
She then asked if I wanted her to cancel the house repairs scheduled for tomorrow. They will be going on her card and she thinks it is worthwhile for house resale and lowering utility bills. I told her she can do what she wants with her account and ultimately she decided to go ahead with it. She then requested a clearer picture of all bills and accounts, and to have everything on auto pay (bills) consolidated onto her card rather than mine. She did throw in some self pitying crap like how she also needs car repair or she will be car-less soon, but she will "figure that out". And she said will leave me alone, all she requests is time to get stuff when she needs it and to see "her" dogs. So that's where we are.
OMG, I do not know how I have been so incredibly dense to have never considered checking the phone bill. It is on auto pay, is paperless, it just never even occurred to me because for all intents and purposes it doesn't physically exist. But it does if I log into the app and actually look. I am relieved that I have finally seen all I need to see, in person, with my own two eyes. Hours and hours of phone conversations, and a pretty good picture of when it started. The OM's number begins appearing about a week before BD, and one week after I visited. One week, and she decided to throw it all away. It's unbelievable. Despite already knowing, I am still in shock to have finally confirmed it. Now I just have to kill the urge to call him and tell him his career is over.
I don't know why it's so hard for me to believe. I mean this is the second time, for Pete's sake! But I'm blown away. I told my therapist about the letter she wrote me 6 weeks prior to BD and her begging me to come visit a mere 3 weeks prior. I think she finally understood why I am so blindsided. I can honest to God say that I did not feel at all insecure in the MR when she left in August (this is not to say that I totally trusted her, just that I knew she was "clean" and was putting in some effort). There were no bad signs. We were better than we had ever been since the last A, and probably even before. But here I am, roadkill once again.
