this is typical you may notice her sometimes friendlier and sometimes very distant moody confused unclear mixed messages ect
I remember my XH enjoyed coming over to chat Im sure it made him feel comfortable because I really tried to be there for him for the first 2 years no criticism no comments from me..just pleasant Im grateful for the advice I got here..I look back No regrets yes it was very hard to keep my mouth shut
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Got to speak to W today as we were home without power so business was closed. She's firmly on the D train. Her heart has hardened towards me 100 percent. Pretty obvious she's already met somebody, which is why I'm persona non grata. And even though she knows the math doesn't work, she wants to push forward with D.
Reading up on Sandi2 posting about WW and tough love. Sandi, if you see this, what do you think about filing a D (she thinks I would never do it), along with closing joint bank account etc and just being less available and less affable around W to see if it breaks though the A fog? When I am less communicative with her, it does seem to bother W. Happy to fill in more blanks regarding my sitch for you if you wish.
closing joint account and taking your half is a good idea in my opinion
Not sure about the filing
I think it may work for some google it online..im sure it can work for some not in MLC
but in MLC? I think is a different animal and may backfire if she really wants the D
But I understand the confusion and the need to want this over one way or the other
I dont think we have enough experience or see many people on this board choosing to push D through especially in the early stages what are you hoping to accomplish by filing? are you ok if it backfires?
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I am hoping that she will feel the loss when the reality of what a divorced life would like hits her in the face. Also, I think W could be more WE than MLC and I think tough love gets her attention more than standard d- bing. She gets upset when I go dim and keep contact minimal. Sandi has a great thread on WW and I am trying to implement her suggestions. W needs to think I’m gone forever and not a plan b option.
Good for you! You are not plan b! Great way of thinking. And I like the question Peace asked: what do you want? What if that happened? How would you feel? My favorite go to strategy is to 'Act As If'. Act as if what YOU want, is going to happen. Things will go your way. Be the best you. If you want W to feel loss, start separating more. Purge through your clutter, if you have any. Room by room. Just your stuff. My spouses stuff is their stuff to sort out. It's kind of a contagious thing. Maybe W will see this and join in? See where this goes.
You Got This
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
I do not want a D, BUT the reality is I may have no choice in the matter. I need to let her go so she gets a feel for what she's lost. She is in a EA and not thinking at all, let alone clearly. The only way I can see it working out long term is for her to hit rock bottom and voluntarily make her way back to me, one small step at a time. I do not want my kids to have to deal with this, but they are going to have some discomfort no matter what happens. She thinks we are going to be "friends" and "co-parent" and everything will be great between us. She needs tough love. I would love to have Sandi2 weigh in also on my sitch!
