Weathering the Storm

[Dawn70]

Why are you questioning continuing to see her? I'm not sure I'm drawing a logical conclusion between lack of sex and stopping seeing her when you are only spending a night together roughly once a week. Sorry I am rambling but so many questions...…………...LOL

I think because until now, I always felt there was a possibility of a LTR once she got her life together. But now I’m not sure that I see that, I guess I want someone who is as generous as I am sexually and not just when there is a tit for tat.

I get your point about wanting someone sexually compatible and agree that is very important. I didn't get the sense that this has been an issue before the trip, just based on what you wrote, but maybe it has. Not sure and it doesn't really matter if I get it or not, but I think the thing I do get is importance of sexual compatibility.

You kind of make it sound like you only want to be with her if she is having sex with you or giving you some form of pleasure every time.

I would be interested in how you came up with that based on what I said.. but the foundation of our “arrangement” started out as sexual partners, so based on that I guess you could say having sex is expected. But I would have no problem going out with her and then dropping her off at home with no sex involved.. in fact, the whole thing I’m facing is dropping the with benefits part and telling her I just want to be friends..

I don't want to put words in Ginger's mouth or yours for that matter, but I came up with the very same thing. You said y'all are FWB (which clearly indicates a relationship that is more about sex than anything else), but then you also say it is more like dating because y'all always spend time together and it isn't just a "Netflix and chill" kind of meet-up. You knew Thursday night she wasn't DTF and then were sexually frustrated because of it, so that does kind of sound like you invited her because sex was kind of a sure thing, so to speak.

I bend over backwards not to ever make it look like I expect sex for taking someone, even a FWB, some place. For me the cruise was/is the biggest example - if it happens, great, but just like a first date, because I'm taking someone some place, I'm not expecting "benefits" - it sorta sounds like you are and that's kinda a douche thing to do.

I don’t need to bend over backwards to make it not look like I expect sex with her, she is much more aggressive towards having sex than I am most of the time, frequently implying while we are out how much she is looking forward to getting home, etc..

I guess this is where I am confused, because to read what you wrote, I interpreted the whole thing as y'all see each other very rarely, but when you do, you do some date-like activity. She sleeps over probably once per 3 week period out of the month (your words in original post, maybe slightly paraphrased). You also said in there somewhere that she rarely initiates, but now you say she is aggressive towards sex. I can see where her moods might wax and wane and sometimes she might be the aggressor and sometimes she might not be, but in general, it sounded in the original post like you are usually the one who instigates. You even said here you went into the weekend with the expectation of sex. Now you followed that up with the thought that if you had known sex was off the table, you still would've wanted her to go.

To me, that last part is probably most telling. As a total arm-chair quarterback and an expert on absolutely nothing when it comes to relationships, it seems, at least from my outside perspective looking in, as though you were seeing this as a FWB that might just have the potential to move up the ladder based on the good times y'all have had, but the whole lack of sex might have slapped a little reality in there. Nothing bad in any of that and I actually applaud you for really looking at it seriously and asking hey, am I being a jerk or am I seeing this wrong because certainly not everyone is that introspective. I think it is actually quite supportive of your "nice guy" attitude that you are not automatically putting it all on her, but really examining what you are thinking and feeling too.

Regardless of the outcome, I think you are taking the right approach in really considering all of this.