The quote below, which I read on the forum 6 months ago, helped me a lot. In particular it helped me kickstart me thinking about my non-negotiable's in very specific ways. And to understand how R would require a wholesale rebuild (as you mentioned above).
Having that list (and it's only 3 items) helps me feel strong and secure in my resolve to DB and not backslide into old relationship patterns. It also helps me recognize things like "Oh she's being friendly today, but I should not read anything into it."
Originally Posted by LH19
If you engage in a relationship with her again it should only be under the conditions that:
1) She sees you as someone of extremely high value 2) She views a relationship with you as something much better than a life with someone else or a life alone 3) She's willing to work to win you
Without those three things, she's going to walk again down the line, because she really doesn't have the motivation to work with you to change anything, your relationship will keep seeking the same equilibrium it has had because of how your personalities and issues come together.
